It's Unheard Of, Really

I mean, actually posting on my blog? I really am going crazy.

Basically, the biggest recent news is that I put in my two-week notice at Kohl's last week. That place was really stressing me out, so I decided to take the last month or so before college starts to relax, say goodbye to friends, and get ready to start a brand new chapter in my life. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole "new chapter" thing though. I mean, I just got used to the old chapter! I was really feelin' it! I wish I could look at some SparkNotes-style summaries of all the rest of the chapters of my life. It'd be just enough to give me a general idea of what's gonna happen without ruining the lovely nuances of my future. Of course, that isn't going to happen. Alas, there isn't even a Table of Contents with revealing chapter names to give me hints of what's to come.

Honestly, that's about it. Catch y'all later.

P.S. - My brother convinced me to get a Flickr account. I don't have many pictures up because I started out trying to upload pictures that were too big and ate up 68% of my monthly bandwidth allotment before I realized what'd happened and made them smaller, so you'll have to wait a bit to see any more new stuff. Here's the URL:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pynsey

"L" Is For the Way You Look at Me...

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Love is simultaneously the most beautiful and most complicated thing in the world; the most simple and the most complex; the most fulfilling and the most draining; the most soothing and the most painful. Love is first an unknown force attracting you to another human being. They seem beautiful and perfect to you in every way; you never imagined you would find someone who understands and cares for you in this way. Then time goes by, obstacles and complications arise; you are suddenly cognizant of the fact that the person before you is not perfect, and they realize the same of you. This is when the involuntary act of "falling in love" gives way to the reality of which true love is comprised: work.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

"Love never fails."
- I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

This Bible verse about love is often quoted, but I think people view this in a much more passive sense than it was intended. What I mean is, people seem to think that this is what comes naturally or easily if you "really" love someone and if these things don't just happen, maybe you're not really in love. Of course, this is not the case.

Love is action. Love is hard work. Days before his crucifixion, Jesus told his disciples exactly what it means to love someone:

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
- John 15:13 (NIV)

You see, love is sacrifice. Now, for most people, loving others will not involve literally dying for them, but I imagine that the sort of "dying" we who love and follow Christ must do every day (that is, dying to the self every day) should be applied to everyone we love. To truly love someone, you must make a conscious decision to their needs and desires before your own. Unfortunately, if my own inclinations are any indication, this completely defies the human's natural instincts. It is only through the love and grace Jesus has shown me and through the work he is slowly doing to rid me of the cancerous "self" and replace my old thoughts and desires with his own that I have made what little progress I have toward becoming a truly loving person.

There are many people I would say that I "love," but if I were to be truly honest with myself, I would realize that, most of the time, there are many people I feel affection for and treat well when it suits my purposes or moods. If they happen to catch me on a bad day or if they do something I dislike, my "love" seems to vanish all too quickly. This is something I greatly dislike about myself, and I pray that Jesus will continue the work he has started in me to change this. I want to really love the people I love. This means all of my family and friends, and also one person in particular whom I love very much and in a way I never thought I could who seems to doubt the ability of people our age to truly know what love is and experience it. I'm afraid this person has given up on love. I only pray that their faith in this greatest thing will return if, through my actions, I can show true love which "always hopes, always perseveres." That I can be a model of the fact that "love never fails," no matter how hard it gets or how much it hurts. I pray that I can be a living reflection of the perfect, sacrificial love of Christ.

The Long-Anticipated Update

Actually, since no one really reads this anymore, I doubt it's very anticipated at all.

I'm rather lazy, so I'm not going to go into detail about the last couple of months, but here are the highlights:

FBLA State: Good times. I qualified for the national conference again, this time with my Desktop Publishing partner. We're heading off to Nashville, TN in two weeks!

18th Birthday: Prom Bus-decorating, silly word game-playing, movie-watching...let's just say it was a great way to spend a milestone birthday; I certainly won't forget it.



Prom: It was so...nice. I honestly can't get over it. Dinner (potluck-style) was tasty, transportation (our very own short bus) was entertaining, dancing was fun (even though I suck at it), movie afterward was...well, I was half-asleep, so I really don't remember much of it...oh, and the company was wonderful :D.









18th Birthday Party: Perhaps not all I'd previously hoped, but still good. Easily one of my best birthday parties to date, and I got at least one very awesome gift.

End-of-year Craziness: Projects, Career Portfolios, tests, work at Kohl's, social drama...basically it was stressful, tiring, and not just a little annoying. I'm happy to have survived.

Disneyland: I had a lot of fun at times, but I was annoyed with the social drama sorta followed me to Anaheim, our director was unable to accompany us due to medical problems and that was disappointing after all of the work she put into organizing the trip, and being gone for 5 days made me realize how hard it's going to be to part with some people in the fall.

Senior Barbeque: Bad weather + dumb awards (can you say popularity contest?)+ good food + good friends + good music + fun at my house afterward = overall, a really good day.





Gradumacation: Boring speeches, nerve-wracking solo, listening to names being called for an hour and only know 25% of them...yet still a nice night. At this point I still barely believe I'm not going back to RHS next fall. It probably wont' hit me until I start packing my bags and saying goodbye to the people I care for most.







Work at Kohl's: HATE. So much. I can't even describe how much I wish I did not work there. I don't even want to talk(/write) about it. Eugh. That place makes me ill.

The big graduation party is on Sunday, and I'm pretty excited about it. We've been planning it for a while now; I hope everything turns out nice and everyone has a good time.

To be honest, there's been a lot more going on in my life than this, it just happens to be of a more private nature. It's been terribly hard at times, but also amazingly wonderful at other times. At this point, I know there's a lot of frustration and difficulty coming my way, but when I look beyond that, I see the possibility of great happiness in my future. I just hope I'm right.

*pout*

I wrote a lovely post and Norton Antivirus accidentally ate it in an effort to protect me from viruses(virusi?). What follows is my feeble attempt to re-create it.

My hair has grown to such a length that when I tuck it behind my ears, middle school Lynsey returns from the grave. It's kinda strange. I guess I have a youthful face or something, which explains why someone asked me if I was a freshman this year. Hmm.

I got my eyebrows waxed last week. All I have to say about that is, *whimper*.

I'm singing the National Anthem in front of 1,500 people on Sunday. I really hate that song. Seriously.

There is a fine line between faith and apathy; I use this line to play hopscotch.

The Krueger Scholarship portfolio/application thingy is due Saturday and I...haven't even started yet? Oops... I have all of the stuff, I just have some editing to do and then all that's left is to put it all together. I think I can! I think I can!

I really want to ___ __ _____ _______, but I should/need to ____ __/____/___ __ _______ _____ __ first. Too bad I'm a wimp. Seriously though, I've entertained th idea for quite some time now but have recently become obsessed with it. How silly. *want want want*

I'm doing whowhat now? Crazygonuts.

One month (-one day) until my 18th birthday!

One month until Prom (I got a pretty dress!!!)!

Two months until graduation/end of high school!?!?

I'll be your winter coat
buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
with the collar up so you won't catch a cold.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Best:
Got a job at Kohl's
Mrs. Shown
Going to Whitworth twice and seeing Nathan lots
L(indsey/ynsey)^2 together in Expressions at last!
Cyrano de Bergerac
Victor Borge
"It is Well with My Soul"
Reaching the interview level of Academic All-Stars (aka I get money no matter what!)
Getting to sing the National Anthem at FBLA state leadership conference next month
Favorite sweater
Getting asked to Prom in the best way EVER
Naps
"My Heart Will Go On"
Growing my hair out for Prom
Wind
Inside jokes
5th/6th period IPs
Going to college next fall
Haircuts
Getting a 92/100 at solo/ensemble contest (and being one of only a few to get over 90)
18th birthday next month!
Track 9
What's the story, Wishbone? (doot doo doo doo doo doo!)
Boys
Jenell Marie Davis
Psalm 26 on nervous days
Disneyland in May!
Graduation in less than three (<3!) months
Movie Night?!
ACDA All-Northwest Choir thingy is at the end of next week
Rain hitting the roof as I lay in bed at night
Finally deciding to go to Whitworth next year
A Tale of Two Cities(!!!)/Charles Dickens

Worst:
Twilight Princess release date getting pushed back again
Getting to sing the National Anthem at FBLA state leadership conference next month
"Quella Fiamma"
Toody Byrd
Growing my hair out for Prom
18th birthday next month!
No college for free for me :(
Wind
Graduation in less than three (<3!) months
Boys
Going to college next fall
Not getting enough sleep
Not making it to state solo/ensemble contest because of dumb stuff
Having a fever over 100 degrees Fahrenheit when my parents are in Florida
Having a job interview the same weekend I had a temperature of 100 degrees Fahrenheit when my parents were in Florida
Career-Related Learning Standards
Homework
Choir drama
Filling out scholarship applications
CIM
Being a TA for Men's Apprentice Choir
Senior Career Portfolio
ACDA All-Northwest Choir thingy is at the end of next week
Choir junk getting in the way of more fun stuff

Other:
Graduation in less than three (<3!) months
Boys
18th birthday next month!
Finally deciding to go to Whitworth next year
Going to college next fall
Getting to sing the National Anthem at FBLA state leadership conference next month

Oh, Sorry...

I know it's been a while, I guess I just haven't been in a blogging mood for a couple...months. Sorry.

Basically, a new year has started. My final semester at Reynolds has begun, and that (among other things) has left me in a perpetually contemplative and wistful state. My apologies to anyone who has to be around me these days.

Lately I've been in a very...ballad-ish mood. Simon & Garfunkel are my new old best friends...

Can you imagine us years from today
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange to be seventy.

Here is my song for the asking
Ask me and I will play
So sweetly, I'’ll make you smile

This is my tune for the taking
Take it, don'’t turn away
I've been waiting all my life
...
Ask me and I will play
All the love that I hold inside

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all
I'm on your side, when times get rough
and friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down

...Steven Curtis Chapman is constant source of musical joy...

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
Oh, I will be here.

...Barlow Girl balances out the group as a more recent find...

I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

...and Five For Fighting just...is...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Those are the songs of Senior Year, I think.

I got pictures back from The Music Man, I might post them tomorrow, if you're lucky.

A Lesson in Humility

Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning may recognize this post from April 23rd, 2004:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Once again, Jenell has been made the victim of society. She ran for Junior class counsel and lost. As before, many of the candidates who won were really good for the job and will do it well, but some of them are total chuckleheads. (as Huck Finn would say) One guy actually used a sock puppet in his speech. It's just not fair. I'm so disappointed in the political process at our school I could sit down and cry. It's all based on who you know and how you look. There are some fine members of our newly elected counsel. Some of them are really smart, hardworking people, but I guarantee you if Jessica Nomie or Steven Hill weren't "beautiful people" they wouldn't have been elected today. It's the sad truth about elections not only in our school but across our entire country. People only gain votes if they have "name recognition" and know "the right people". I feel really bad for Jenell and I wish there was something I more I could do for her, but right now I'm just going to be there for her and pray.

Fate is a Cruel Mistress

The post has now been edited to include this humble and sincere retraction:

Edit: Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 12:47 AM

The immaturity of my past always has a way of catching up to me sometime.

Alas, this unfortunate post which is now over a year and a half old has gone out and done damage I never intended, and may very well have put a major tarnish on my reputation. The typo-plagued rantings of a vengeful best friend have now tragically victimized some very hard-working and intelligent students who were elected to council positions that spring. At the time I wrote this post I knew neither Steven nor Jessica. At this point, I still do not know Steven (although from what I understand he is a very nice guy), but I do have the good fortune to know Jessica. Jessica didn't just win because she's a "beautiful person," she is a hard-working, intelligent, well-spoken student leader for whom I have the utmost respect. I really do not know where I got off saying such vile things about her or Steven, and I can only attribute it to my own 15-year-old immaturity and inability appropriately express my own frustrations. I apologize for anyone who might have been hurt by this post, and I hope that they understand that it is not at all a reflection of how I feel about them today and that they will be willing to forgive a horribly foolish mistake of the past.

I honestly cannot believe I did that. I mean, I know I did it because I now recall writing the post, but still... What made me think I could treat people like that? Was I really that mean/stupid? Man...I can be such a jerk sometimes.