A Lesson in Humility

Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning may recognize this post from April 23rd, 2004:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Once again, Jenell has been made the victim of society. She ran for Junior class counsel and lost. As before, many of the candidates who won were really good for the job and will do it well, but some of them are total chuckleheads. (as Huck Finn would say) One guy actually used a sock puppet in his speech. It's just not fair. I'm so disappointed in the political process at our school I could sit down and cry. It's all based on who you know and how you look. There are some fine members of our newly elected counsel. Some of them are really smart, hardworking people, but I guarantee you if Jessica Nomie or Steven Hill weren't "beautiful people" they wouldn't have been elected today. It's the sad truth about elections not only in our school but across our entire country. People only gain votes if they have "name recognition" and know "the right people". I feel really bad for Jenell and I wish there was something I more I could do for her, but right now I'm just going to be there for her and pray.

Fate is a Cruel Mistress

The post has now been edited to include this humble and sincere retraction:

Edit: Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 12:47 AM

The immaturity of my past always has a way of catching up to me sometime.

Alas, this unfortunate post which is now over a year and a half old has gone out and done damage I never intended, and may very well have put a major tarnish on my reputation. The typo-plagued rantings of a vengeful best friend have now tragically victimized some very hard-working and intelligent students who were elected to council positions that spring. At the time I wrote this post I knew neither Steven nor Jessica. At this point, I still do not know Steven (although from what I understand he is a very nice guy), but I do have the good fortune to know Jessica. Jessica didn't just win because she's a "beautiful person," she is a hard-working, intelligent, well-spoken student leader for whom I have the utmost respect. I really do not know where I got off saying such vile things about her or Steven, and I can only attribute it to my own 15-year-old immaturity and inability appropriately express my own frustrations. I apologize for anyone who might have been hurt by this post, and I hope that they understand that it is not at all a reflection of how I feel about them today and that they will be willing to forgive a horribly foolish mistake of the past.

I honestly cannot believe I did that. I mean, I know I did it because I now recall writing the post, but still... What made me think I could treat people like that? Was I really that mean/stupid? Man...I can be such a jerk sometimes.

SATed

Critical Reading: 680
Math: 610
Writing: 710

Total: 2000

Fin.

*panic*

So...(la ti do)the show opens in three hours, which is crazy. We did have two student previews where we ran the entire show for RHS and elementary students, but that was considered more of a rehearsal with an audience...so this is our first real show...

*dies*

Phew!

Sunday: Set up haunted house for five hours
Monday: School, haunted house for six hours
Tuesday: School, play practice 'til eight
Wednesday: School, play practice 'til eight
Thursday: School, play practice 'til eight
Friday: Nathan comes home at one thirty in the morning, school, play practice 'til eight
Saturday: SATs at Parkrose for five hours

...

Oh yeah, the show opens next Wednesday. *dies*

Here are the show dates:

Wednesday (9th)- 9:00 AM* (RHS student preview)
Thursday (10th)- 9:00 AM (RHS student preview)
Friday (11th)- 7:30 PM*
Saturday (12th)- 2:00 PM, 7:30 PM*
Friday (18th)- 2:00 PM*, 7:30 PM

Tickets are $5 for the student previews and $8 for the rest of the shows. If you want tickets contact me and I will so hook you up.

* indicates a show where I'm playing Marian.

Okay.

Problems become much less painful and complicated when you finally figure out that they aren't important; when you decide that you can do better than that guy who treats you like dirt, or simply doesn't return your feelings; when you realize that your life is full of friends who care enough about you to listen to you complain, to offer you advice when you need and want it, and to give you ego that extra little boost it needs when you're feelin' down; and most of all, when you can rely on God, whose love is always there, no matter what, even though you don't deserve it.

Thank you, problems. You make me appreciate the seemingly problemless times so much more.

Thank you, men. Your existence makes life...interesting

Thank you, my friends. You are all so wonderful. You let me whine at you, and you offered me advice, and you gave me lots of support and comfort when I needed it. You guys rock my socks.

Thank you, God. You love me, even though I don't' come close to deserving it. You rock my world.


'Cause he showed me His love
by sending me you
And it's ok now
Everything's ok

My Life as the Emotional Equivalent of Kingda Ka

When I last posted here, my life was going fantastically. Of course, precisely a week later, things were not going so well, and life has had some virulently dramatic ups and downs since then. My classes are still totally fun (minus my TA period), play practice still tends to be the highlight of my day, and when we taped our episode of High-Five on the 5th, which was a total blast. The thing is, despite all of this really great stuff that's been going on in my life, one issue has dragging me down. A part of me feels like I have a big decision to make, like I need to take action and then live with the consequences. The other part of me feels like I'm stuck with no options whatsoever, like I can move neither forward or backward, and I'm just waiting for something to happen, because no matter what I do, it will yield the same result as ever.

What I am referring to is my current situation _____________________*. ______frustrate me to no end. I feel like there always has and always will be _______________________________well...__________. It's like every time __________, there's something _______________________ happening.

In __________ it was ______. I ________, __________ me, then ______________________________. ___ broke________. It's hard ___________________________________ a person.

It wasn't until __________________I got really ____________ again. ________ seemed perfect _______ in every way, and _____________ a very long time, __________________________________. _________. It's hard _____________________________________________.

That same year ______________, ______________________, and I wasn't ____________________. It's hard to have ___________________________.

At the end __________, _____________________. I couldn't stop ____________, and I had _______________. In reality, ______________ good ___________, and if it weren't for the fact ________________, _______________________. Things as they are, _________________________irreconcilable _________________________. ________________________________ doesn't help either. ___________________________________________________opposite directions.

In _____________, _______________ directed elsewhere, and, to be honest, ___________________. ___ intensely _____________, ______________...but _________________. It seems that ___________________. ______________, it's because _______________________________________. This makes ________________________________, ___ completely unattainable. Part of me wants to just ____________________________________, I'd be ____________________, ____________ I think ____________________________________________________, ___ using ________________________________________________ other. _____ the other part of me ____________, ___________________________________________________so much ____________________________________________________, __ nary _________, nor ________. It's hard ________________________________ cares more about __________ the possibility ________.

While the memories of __________________ still _________, _____ and ____ are ______________________ crazy. ______________ throughout ______________, even though _____________________________________________, and _________________________ everyone, I can't really tell ________________. _______________________________________________ dismayed ____________ positively ill, _____________________________________________________. I've barely ______________, _______I think _______________. ___________ should ____________, but I don't want to _______________. As far as _________________, it's been __________________ "__, ______________________!" _________________________, _____________________similar _____________________________, __________ unsure of ___________. Of course, the fact that ____________________________ "_______" ________________ doesn't help _____________.

So right now, _____(______________) ___________________ life an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I'm on top of the world, and other times I feel like ________________________. Hopefully things will all work out soon. If I got my way, this problem would end with ____________________________________________________, I know that God's way is always better, and if he wants me to come out of this with ___________________, or some other ___, or ________________ at all, I know that he'll take care of me and make everything work out all right.

*This post has been edited from its original version. It has been formatted to...not be incriminating.


Anyway the thing is well I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

I Lose

A month ago I was totally dreading the start of what I knew would be the worst school year since my middle school days. So far, this has been one of the best.

I was afraid Expressions was going to be filled with the horrible drama that was witnessed at the end of last year. So far, I've been thoroughly enjoying it. Everyone (for the most part) has been nice and I think we have a great sound this year.

I knew that Post-Secondary Planning would be awful, because everyone said that Mr. English was horrible and the class was boring. Mr. English is strict and a little weird sometimes, but, for the most part he's really very nice and helpful. Plus, all the kids in that class are really nice and fun to chat with as we all work on our own stuff.

I don't know anyone in my English 12 class, but most of the kids are pretty quiet, and those who talk seem pretty okay. Mrs. Shown is great, so even though the class is pretty easy for me, I still enjoy it.

Pro Cantorum is fun-tastic because Mrs. Bohart switched me to second soprano in that choir (I'm still an alto in Expressions) and the girls I get to sit next to are really fun. Add to that the fact that I get to sing up high, and that class is rockin'-awesome!

I was excited about Americana before school started. i knew it would be a good class, I just didn't know how good. All the people in the class are totally different and interesting and Mr. Sweeting is a wonderfully fun teacher. We get to talk about neat stuff and we have really good discussions in that class. Ah, so awesome.

I think my only disappointing class is my choir TA, mostly for two reasons: first, Mrs. Bohart isn't at school in the afternoons because she goes home to be with her kids; second, since I"m TAing during Mens Apprentice Choir (which is an all-guy choir mostly composed of Freshman) I get hit on my creepy underclassmen who all seem to think that acting like they're "hustlers" and "playas" will magically cause me to be interested in them. *gag*

Of course, my IPs are all pretty sweet. I pretty much spend all of that lovely free-time hanging out in the library goofing off and rolling quarters down my nose (don't ask). Sah-weet.

And play practice. Ah, sweet play practice. It's so much fun! All the other cast members and crew people have been totally nice, and (so far) Ms. Martin-Cohn has be strict, but amiable. Practice is hard work, and sometimes it's discouraging to have all the people around you who have experience with drama seem to know what's going on while you're completely lost, but Ms. Martin-Cohn and the other actors are really great about keeping me up to speed without making me feel like an idiot, so it's all good. Honestly, practice is pretty much one of (if not the) biggest highlights in my day.

Oh, I almost forgot! The High-Five/play practice conflict worked out fine. Ms. Martin-Cohn said it'd be fine if I missed some practices (it helps that there's another Marian to take my place when needed) for High-Five, so I get to do both! Joy...

My very favorite person, Jenell, is on Homecoming court! I'm so excited for her I can barely contain myself! I'm just so proud of her...yay!

Suffice it to say, I was pretty much all wrong about the whole "my Senior year is going to be horrible" thing. I lose.

...

Yeah, just call me Marian Paroo, librarian.

!!!

Yeah, I pretty much screamed and danced around when I found out.

Awesome.

!!!

*dies of happiness*

!?

Okay, so long story short, I got a call-back for Marian in The Music Man. Call-backs are tomorrow...which is soon...

*heart attack*

...yeah...

Fin.

To Sing or Not to Sing

That is the question. I'm not talking about whether or not I should sing in general, just whether I should try out for the school musical.

Here's the problem. At the end of last year I tried out for and made it onto the High Five team. At that time, Mr. Beaman told us we'd have a meeting in his classroom on September 12th to talk about when our recording date is, when we'd be practicing, etc. He said that our taping date would come up quickly, maybe a week or two after practice starts. You may be asking yourself, "Self, this doesn't really seem like much of a problem..." Well yeah, except that auditions for The Music Man are on September 12th or 13th (you don't have to go to both), call backs are on the 14th (you have to be there for the entire thing), and rehearsals start the next day going from 3:30 PM to 5:30 PM (I think). Problem.

My parents, my choir director, and my voice teacher all seem to think it'd be really good for me to do the musical. I think it'd be fun, but I've made a previous commitment to do High Five, and I don't want to drop it and let down the team. There is a possibility (due to other teammates potential conflicts) that our team might have to push back High Five practice to after Cross country practice, which I think gets out the same time as play practice, but I don't know. There's also a possibility that we might lose our two best team members if Mr. Reaney won't let them miss practice to do High Five, or Mr. Beaman won't push back practice 'til after XC practice. If we lost them I don't think we'd be able to get two more team members tried out and practiced up quickly enough, and I"m not sure we'd be able to do the show. Hence, I don't know what to do.

So now's where y'all come in. I would really appreciate some good advice or something. Should I just give up on the musical and dedicate myself to High Five 100%? Should I talk to Mr. Beaman and see if I can miss some practices (since I've done High Five twice before and already know how it works) even if I have to take a lesser team position like stealer or something? Should I try to convince the team to ask Beaman to make the practice later? Should I just forget about High Five and throw myself into the musical? All of the above? None of the above? Two or more of the above all mixed together? Something? Leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

It's my senior year! This is my last chance to be in High Five and my last chance to be in a school musical! I just want to do both...

...

Edit:
Oh yeah! I forgot! This is post 150! YAY!

Academia: The (Hopefully) Final Chapter

Okay, this time it wasn't my fault. The school changed the periods Post Secondary Planning is offered, so here's my new new schedule:

0. Expressions: Bohart
1. Post Secondary Planning: English
2. Pro Cantorum: Bohart
3. English 12: Shown
4. Americana: Sweeting
5. IP
6. IP
7. IP
8. Teacher Assistant: Bohart

So, now my afternoons are basically free. Hehe...

School is coming up very quickly now, which is a bit sad, but I'll get over it.

Enjoy this bit of fun, as well as this and this and this.

Academia Revisited

Okay, so I thought about it, and realized that having the same English teacher two years in a row seemed like a bad idea where my education and psyche were concerned, especially considering how glad I was to get out of Ms. Thomas' class last year. She's not a bad teacher or a bad person, but her rather eclectic style wasn't ideal for me. So anyway, I called Mr. Whitehead again (I'm such a pest!) and switched to a new and different English class:

0. Expressions: Bohart
1. IP
2. Pro Cantorum: Bohart
3. English 12: Shown
4. Americana: Sweeting
5. IP
6. IP
7. Post Secondary Planning: English
8. Teacher Assistant: Bohart

Sadly I now have an IP at the beginning of the day, but I'll get over it. I'll probably end up going to the choir room and helping out Mrs. Bohart while treble choir is in there, which means I'll practically be in that choir, the only difference being, I won't have to go. Mwahahaha!

Death by Academia

About two weeks ago I got my school schedule in the mail and wasn't exactly thrilled. Turns out Pro Cantorum choir and AP Literature and Composition were both only offered one period and the same period. I fretted for those weeks, turning over the possibilities in my mind, and literally losing sleep over it. Alas, it has been an unpleasant few weeks, but the matter is finally settled thusly:

0. Expressions: Bohart
1. English 12: Thomas
2. Pro Cantorum: Bohart
3. IP
4. Americana: Sweeting
5. IP
6. IP
7. Post Secondary Planning: English
8. Teacher Assistant: Bohart

At this point I'd like to remind my readers that I'm really not a slacker. This isn't my fault! I didn't want such an easy schedule! I wanted to be in AP Lit. and Media and Society, but Lit. was conflicting with Pro and Media and Society wasn't offered due to lack of enrollment in the class! I know I still wouldn't have had the most challenging year, but it would've been at least a little more stimulating. I actually feel horribly guilty not taking any harder classes, but I'm going to go talk to Mrs. Thomas and ask her to perhaps give me some extra stuff to do or something, otherwise I'll probably die of boredom. I'm also considering getting a job or maybe doing the fall musical.

In any case I think I got such a light load for a reason. I think God has some other, more important stuff he needs me to have time for, so he thought he'd "lighten my load" a bit for me. Whether He wants me to go out for the musical, get a job, join a Bible study, get more involved in my church youth group, get back into church choir, or something totally different, I'm sure he knows what he's doing, and it appears I'll have enough time to accommodate him. I guess I've got a lot to pray about.

Of Disney, Desktops, Destinations, and Dumbledore

Here it is, that post you've all been waiting for. Indeed, it's been a long time coming, and it's here at last. Enjoy!

May and June were both excellent months. I enjoyed not only very pleasing grades in my hardest class (AP US History with Mr. Beaman), but also two trips to two different Disney parks. In May I went to Disneyland with RHS' choirs, and in June I went to Disneyworld with FBLA. I didn't load any of my Disneyland photos, but here are some pictures of the crew that went to Disneyworld:


L to R: Me, Jessica Nomie, Amanda Lehman, and Marty Olson.


The Sterninator!

I preferred Disneyland to Disneyworld, maybe because I was with more people I knew, but both ended up bein' quite enjoyable.

When I returned home from Disneyworld near the end of June I was greeted by the most lovely sight I could at that time imagine: boxes.



Indeed, after weeks of waiting, my brand new computer had at last arrived.



I quickly began the process of putting her together. It was rather overwhelming at first, but I soon got the hang of it and was well on my way to completely assembled computer.



It's a beautiful thing. I still haven't completely settled on a name for the old girl yet, but I'm open to suggestions.

OF course, as you all know, on July 11th I began my journey to the Czech Republic. Two planes, three buses, and what seemed like days later we arrived at our training site in Eastern Czech, the Hotel Malenovice. Mere days later we were on our way to the Sport-grill in Jesenik, the location of our camp, but not before giving one of our interns and one of our team members some haircuts:



Lauren worked on Brad's hair; she wants to be a cosmetologist.



Shelly soon took over Brad's haircut and Jenna started on Kenny.



Kenny said he wanted a Mohawk, but Steve (our leader) seemed to think that that was a bad idea.



So Jenna got started with the clippers again.



Brad: the finished product.



Kenny: the also finished product.



The camp we stayed at is actually a hotel that's associated with this lovely restaurant. The food here was awesome! One day I decided to take pictures of all of our meals so y'all could get an idea of what we ate. These are examples of some typical Czech meals.





Breakfast: buffet-style.





Lunch: Soup and fried cheese and french fries.



Dinner: Roasted chicken and mashed potatoes.



This is the building where all of the campers slept (the leaders stayed in the part of the hotel connected to the restaurant) and had a big(ish) room where we had our evening program (when we'd have music and listen to the night's speaker, usually Brad) and other activities.



My bunk.



Laundry day!



This little house was right next to the fields were we had sports time and it reminds me of Hobbiton for some reason.



Jahnel decided she really wanted to try on some guy shorts, and ended up borrowing an entire guy outfit from Scotty.



This is one of the games we played one night before evening program; it's similar to the game "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." CAVALIER!

Another popular game was "Viking." I won't explain it now because it really requires a demonstration, but, suffice it to say, it involves a lot of yelling and funny motions.









Of course, we were running an "English Camp," so every morning we divided into our various groups and had class. The class I was in had the students with the least experience with English, so we kept our translator busy, but class was still a lot of fun. We used flashcards, matching, and role-playing to practice vocabulary with our students.









Of course what camp would be complete without window boxes containing marijuana?



Sadly, camp could not last forever, but before leaving Jesenik we took several different group photos.



The Good Shepherd team (L to R): Top - Lauren, Sue, Mary, Me, Kenny, Jenna, Steve
Middle - Jenn, AJ, Shelly
Bottom - Brian, Scotty, John



The intern team (L to R): Top - Brad, Jahnel, Kevin, Tina, Greg
Bottom - Dada (Yeah, there should be an accent mark over the first "a," but my computer isn't smart enough for that.)



The Czechs: hahahaha, seriously, I couldn't even begin to spell these names properly.



Okay, this isn't the greatest photo, but notice the man and woman in the top left. That's Jodi and Simeon. These two are from Australia and they taught one of our English classes. Simeon is actually a professional musician and provided all of the evening program worship music at our camp.

After camp our team members got to go stay in the homes of various students from the camp. There weren't enough student homes for everybody, so Jenn and I got to stay with Monica and Pista (which should have an accent mark of the "s" and is pronounced "peeshda").



We spent a few days with the student in their hometown of Bohumin, but soon had to move on to our next destination. In retrospect, though none of our students made formal decisions for Christ at our camp, many really seemed to be opening up more to the possibility of the message we were sharing. The evening program was always excellent, and though toward the end of the week when we started talking about sin, forgiveness, and Jesus it seemed like everything was conspiring against us, I think some of the discussion groups were able to have some very deep discussions after evening program. In my own group I was able to see at least one student go from feeling persecuted whenever we talked about sin and Jesus to telling us that she was willing to consider what we had been talking about, and we later heard that she asked how to become a Christian, although we don't know if she actually did it.

After saying a tearful good-bye to our friends in Bohumin we boarded a bus and headed over to Poland to tour Auschwitz.



The sign over the front gate of Auschwitz I reads "Arbeit Macht Frei" or, "Work makes you free."



The conditions in Auschwitz-Birkenau were obviously horrible. This building was originally designed to stable horses and no changes were made to it before it was used to house the Jews. Each level of each individual bunk bed, though probably designed to hold only one, generally held four to five people. This building alone probably housed one thousand prisoners.



Fingernail marks from the wall of the first Auschwitz gas chamber.

After that rather depressing field trip, we traveled back into Czech for the last few days of our trip which we spent in Prague. I must say, Prague is probably one of the most beautiful cities I've ever seen. The beautiful old buildings and cobblestone streets make for an atmosphere that the word "breathtaking" barely does justice to. I probably couldn't tell you the names of much of what's in these pictures, so I'll pretty much let the photos speak for themselves.























My feet were just a little dirty after walking around Prague in flip-flops all day long.

And so we left Prague, indeed, the entire Czech Republic behind. It was both sad and wonderful to go home. While we all seemed to miss our families and the normalcy of our lives, we would all be missing the awesome people we met in Czech, and I for one miss the connection I felt while I was over there. I not only felt remarkably connected to the awesome people on my team, I felt so close to God over there. Every day I felt more compelled to pray and read my Bible than I ever I have, and I learned more about myself in Czech than I thought there was to know! I just hope that the spiritual growing I did in Europe will last. I already have a lot of changes in my life that I want to make, and I now know that, with God's help, I have a lot of growing to do.

Of course, my return home was not without activity. First I had to unpack.



Then, obviously, I had to play with my new Ipod mini.



And I really needed to finish The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide.



And then it came down to it. The moment I had been waiting for since 2003. I read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, which my brother was kind enough to pick up for me.



Needless to say, I laughed, I cried, and in the end, I pretty much just cried. Seriously Rowling, you don't have to kill good characters in every book! *tear*

So that seems to bring everything pretty much up to date. Some other stuff has happened, but I'll post about it once there's been a bit more resolution in the situation. And now, I leave you with this:



Make of it what you will.