Each body has its art... - Gwendolyn Brooks

And now it's time to poll the audience! That's right folks, it's time for all of you to weigh in on the topic of the day, flexibility. So, just scroll down a bit and check the answer you like best and we'll see the results on Sunday!

Awesome...

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. - Robin Williams

Hmm, the way life has been lately, my spark is turning into a wildfire. I've had so much to do lately for school and all, and my level of sanity (such as it was) is getting dangerously low. The surprising thing is, I really don't feel all the stressed or nervous about anything. I've come to the conclusion that the school year is coming to a close, I've done my best, and all i have left to do id continue that work until the year really is done.

One thing that has been stressing me a bit is my French class. I've had so much work to do for that class it's been maddening. IN the last few weeks we've had multiple tests, one very large project (which I spent a total of ten hours working on) and next week we have oral interviews. I'm so sick of that entire language I could just scream. After my oral interview I plan on completely purging my brain of any knowledge of the French language. I will enjoy that very much.

But above all else, the thing I have been most worried about is my audition for Expressions this Tuesday. Expressions is the highest choir you can be in at RHS. The size is limited to 16 members, two to each section, and it's quite hard to get in. I've wanted to be in this choir since I first heard about it, and now's my chance. I really want to get in, and I think I have pretty good chances, but I'm still nervous. It helps that all of the altos are graduating this year, so there's plenty of room for me, and it also helps that (unlike many members of choir) I can read music. People I know who are in Expressions have been encouraging me and saying I have a really good voice and have a good shot at getting in, but I'm still nervous. I hope this works out...

I'm so glad we have a three day weekend. I've been so busy lately, I finally have some time to catch up on stuff I've been meaning to do like study, clean my room, figure out what's been going on with me lately, devise a plan of action for these next few weeks...

This is gonna be fun...

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. - Lynn Hall

This post is to celebrate a number of things. First of all, this is my 100th post on my blog, and I think that's pretty darn cool. Second, I had a pretty good day because I barely had to do anything and got to just hang out instead.

The final and most prevalent reason for my rapture is actually something I'm quite proud of myself for realizing. This past week or so has brought me to the conclusion that recently, I have not been myself. I have been acting and dressing contrary to who I am. Swooning all over myself and changing how I act for some dumb guy is just really not my style, and i really don't need to wear any of the makeup I wear to school. I've decided to just be myself now. There will be less swooning, more intelligent conversation and makeup will pretty much be reserved for church and special occasions. Lip gloss will once again be my solitary must-have when "primping" in the morning.

This realization about how much I've changed myself for one person has drawn me to another important decision. I don't like that I exerted so much effort just to hopefully please this guy I mentioned in my last post, so I'm not going to worry about him anymore. I thank all of you guys who tried to give me advice concerning the situation, but I don't want to have a relapse. Besides, I saw the guy today and I think I just want to be his friend. He's really nice, but I don't think going out with him is what I really want right now. Hopefully I can still pursue a friendship with him and leave behind my little spell of extreme stupidity. Phew! I'm glad that's over!

Anyway, in order to celebrate my 100th post, my good day and my little epiphany, I have change the look of my site. Enjoy!

Edit - 5:22 PM

I almost forgot! Jenell has finally triumphed in the harsh environment known as RHS. She made dance team! I'm so proud...*cries*

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln

I've been really busy this week so I'll keep it short for now. I'll post more once things settle down a bit (I'm thinking probably Saturday night, if not sooner.)

Ok, I think I'm fully recovered from this bout of teenage angst. Figured stuff out, made some decisions and moved on. I think I'm going to like the way things are turning out much more than the way I had originally wanted them anyway. I'll put the situation in as simple terms as possible:

girl likes boy -> boy is being confusing and girl can't figure out what boy thinks -> girl hold out hope for a long time -> boy is still being confusing -> girl decides that she's waited long enough and moves on

There you go.

So, now that I don't have to worry about what some guy thinks about me, I'm going to concentrate on being myself and being who I was created to be. It's nice not to be always worrying about such things and just concentrate on who I am again. I think I might've lost sight of that for a while there, and I'm glad to be getting back to the basics. Now I can concentrate on what's really important to me instead of what other people think should be important to me.

So to sum it all up, I've decided it's time to be happy. No more broken hearts, teen angst or appeasing other people to get what I think will make me happy. I alreayd know what makes me the happiest, and it's time to go back to that.

"I know I've worn a thousand costumes in my life,
I know so that no one else could see me deep inside,
And you go and peel away the perfect faces,
Dust me me off and then you say 'It's time to be yourself'"

- Mark Schultz, Been a Long Time

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier

I've been meaning to post all week and this is the first time I've actually taken the time to do it. It' not that I've been very busy, I've just been kinda busy and very lazy. The school year is quickly coming to a close (hallelujah!) and I'm starting to get the idea that some of my teacher's are going to be heapin' it on these last few weeks all at the same time. This disturbs me slightly, but I'm just kinda ignoring it and hoping for the best. I have bigger fish to fry.

Monday night (after writing my angsty post) I went to the Deep Roots 7 CD release party and had a complete blast in the process. The music was good, the company was better and much fun was had by all. I left the concert a little early in hopes of getting some decent sleep, but foiled my own desires of rest by staying up and reading my book. Tuesday was an interesting day seeing as how Mr. Frick finally returned to work after his near six months of absence. He still seemed very weak, and to be honest, many people want him to not come back until he gets his full strength back, and maybe not even after that. A lot of us think that while Mr. Frick is a really great guy, Mrs. Bohart is a superior teacher by far. I got my hair cut on after school and it's quite short, but I very pleased with the results. It takes much less time to de-messify my hair in the morning and it looks really cute. Wednesday was ok, the highlight of the day was (as always) English class, but I'll get back to that in a sec. The most "interesting" points of the day were two bit of unfortunate news I found out on that day. I found out at school that the night before Mr. Frick had somehow injured himself and (as I found out today) will not be returning to work again for the rest of the year. The second (and worse) but of ill news I got was that a lady I know from the choir at my church, Sue, found out she has breast cancer. She's really shaken up and scared and I feel so bad for her. I wish there was some way I could make her feel better but, but I've resigned myself to prayer, it's the best thing for her right now.

On a less depressing note, English class was awesome. We've moved on to our last unit in our study of the various periods of American writing, Modernism. The first short story we read was A Worn Path by Eudora Welty, but the second selection we read (on Monday) was quite superior in my mind. Since we had a sub on Monday (who was really old) we didn't discuss the story until Wednesday. The piece we read was Sophistication by Sherwood Anderson, and I loved it! It really speaks to how I feel about my life right now and what's going on with me. It also helped that, while the story wasn't action-packed, the descriptions of places, things and feelings were amazing. It is really a superb tale and I hope you'll read it seeing as how I've conveniently provided a link to it for you reading pleasure.

Today after school I hung out with my best friend's little brother (he's turning eight on the 29th! Eek!) playing video games and putting off studying for yet another French test. Thankfully I believe this is one of the last or the last test of the year. Joy.

Tomorrow may prove interesting considering I was somehow convinced to participate in tomorrows AM assembly an I have little idea what awaits me. I think one of the factors that influenced my decision to participate in the thing was that Jenell was doing all of the convincing, but I was feeling rather good at the moment and probably would've done just about anything with little reservation. Add to that the fact that i have a French test and a piano lesson after school (for which I have not practiced) and you have the makings of a potentially Blog-worthy page. I'll keep y'all posted. *laughs at own pun*

"With all his heart he wants to come close to some other human, touch someone with his hands, be touched by the hand of another. If he prefers that the other be a woman, that is because he believes that a woman will be gentle, that she will understand. He wants, most of all, understanding."
- Sherwood Anderson, Sophistication

Edit 3:50 PM - May 14th, 2004

It's so beautiful... *drool*

I guess I have to buy a Game Cube now...

We shall find no fiend in hell can match the fury of a disappointed woman,—scorned, slighted, dismissed without a parting pang. - Colley Cibber

So watch out.

Yeah, that depressed poet garbage down there? Over it. As the Ancient Romans would've said (if Latin were still a language that was used by the people of Rome), Fac me cocleario vomere! (Gag me with a spoon!)

As you may have guessed, I have moved from disappointment and sadness to spite in less than three hours. I now feel quite angry and scornful and have an intense desire to inflict my wrath upon the object of my frustrations. While it is not an overly wholesome emotion, I am quite enjoying it. As usual I will remain the "spotless lamb" that I try to portray myself as and not do anything of the sort. But nonetheless, I'm quite enjoying imagining all of the things I wish I could say to this person the next time I see them.

I'm sure I'll cool off in short order, but I thought I'd share this phase of my little episode with "the masses".

Awesome.

Edit 9:59 PM

*ahem* So yeah... Sorry about that. I'm really not that psychotic... Anyway, I'm feeling even better now! I am now gracing the happy land of apathetic joy! I really don't care, and I like it that way! YAY!

In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain. - Pliny the Elder

What an altogether horrible concept! It brings both hope and utter dismay in one fateful blow. On the one hand it can bring a hope that something bad that seems likely to occur will not, and on the other hand it could mean that good things that you think will happen may blow up in your face. It's a vicious cycle.

I know that all of my posts have been rather vague lately but as soon as these insane goings-on work themselves out I'll explain fully what's been going on if I can.

Counting every moment,
Biding all my time,
Standing out here on my own,
Searching for that someone
To heal this heart of mine
And keep me from being alone.
But when will it be?
And how will I know?
I don't want to wait here forever.

- Michael W. Smith, "Somebody Love Me"

Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself. - Helen Rowland

I have discovered an interesting site for single people to look-over. Thanks to the people at the Social Issues Research Center, we now have a guide to flirting. It's not your typical Cosmo or 17 Magazine "How to Get the Guy of Your Dreams to Fall for You" garbage. It's supposedly based on observations of human behavior. Many of the observations and statements in the article made sense and seemed to fit. I was quite amazed to find some rather silly little things that people do that can attract one-another. It's incredible how the most subtle move of the head or the slightest touch can peek a person's interest in someone.

This may come in handy.....

Quick note: state choir competition was this morning and while I think we did very well during our performance, our sight-reading left much to be desired. We'll find out the results of the competition on Tuesday.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. - Isaac Asimov

What an odd existence I have....

To save us both some time I'll suffice it to say that up until today, my days have been rather unremarkable. Nothing too odd has happened to me and I've been feeling pretty good. But this morning something changed. I don't think anything went the way I planned it today.

Choir was ok, but during that class I realized that my hair had gone all crazy on me and I couldn't do a thing about it. I didn't mind too much, but then everything else went crazy for the rest of the day as well. Mrs. Bohart let us out of Pro Cantorum about 3 minutes after the bell rang, so I had to practically run to get to my TA class. While I was working on stuff for Stern I found a temporary but not pleasing solution for my hair but at least I got my work done fast. After completing my task I made my way over to the choir room to get in some practice and was greeted by what I first perceived as a good surprise, but I soon learned otherwise.

I ran into someone rather unexpectedly in the choir room. He was playing the baby grand in the room so beautifully and I just loved it. I couldn't help but adore him. As soon as he was done playing he was surprised to see so many people in the room. (A lot of people from his class were in there listening and he hadn't realized it.) What irritated me a bit in this situation was how he responded to my presence. He didn't seem to care that I was there or respond at all and it made me upset. I really don't think he meant anything by it or anything, but the event still put a bit of a damper on my spirits. It doesn't really bother me anymore, I can't hold a grudge against someone who can play Claire de Lune from memory like that. After he and his class left I played the piano for a while and, after practicing some of my usual pieces, I composed my own tune. I'm going to write it down sometime and give it a name, I'm rather proud of it.

After my TA period I headed over to Gov./Econ. class where I realized I had completely forgotten to study during my free period for the quiz we had today. I was a little annoyed, but we reviewed everything in class before the quiz and I'm fairly sure I got an A anyway. I'm glad that the time I almost completely forgot to study it was in a class that's so stupid-easy. I wish I were always so blessed.

By the last period of the day I was feeling positively sick with exhaustion. I was so tired after my long day/week that I'm sure everyone thought I was sad about something, but that's not what I'm feeling right now. Since this day started I have mostly been feeling discouraged and uncertain about something that I care very much about. I don't know what to do or say and I'm hoping that i don't screw the whole situation up. This is something that's really important to me, and not for the reasons that motivate most people our age. I just pray that God will see that my motives are not selfish and stupid, and perhaps grant me what I hope for.

It's like wanting to sing,
But needing a song.
When will I hear the music playing?

- Michael W. Smith, "Somebody Love Me"

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It's really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. - Erica Jong

Ok, I'll sum up the weekend quickly and then get to the cooler stuff from today.

Thursday: I had my birthday party, got cool random presents and had lots of fun with my friends.
Friday: I went to my piano lesson, joy.
Saturday: I worked at the Phonics Phactory building site helping clean up and got to write a bible verse (I Timothy 4:12) on the framing for the walls of the building. After getting back from working I did something....and then went to church. It was our church's 27thanniversaryy and the service went really long, so i had to dash out the door as soon as I got home to make it to my babysitting job for the night. The kid was cute and not too fussy and I made $30 out of the deal so I'm not complaining.
Sunday: Did some work and went to the double feature at the Hood with Jenell. 50 First Dates and The Return of the King, nice combo.
Ok, now you're up to speed and I can tell about my cool day.

I was really tired when I woke up this morning, but it was a B day so I was willing to wake up and paste on a happy face. Choir was good, I'm hoping we'll be ready for state (which is on Saturday) but at this point, we're either ready or we aren't. My TA period was filled with no work and one interesting run-in with Mrs. Bohart.

I was sitting in the choir room playing Hangman with Becca and Danny when Mrs. Bohart asked me to come into her office. I was sort of afraid she was mad sort of wishing she had something special she wanted to ask of me, neither where true. She actually wanted to talk to me about taking voice lessons this summer, she really wants me to do them. The best part of our coversation was the part where she said that I have good pitch, that makes me really happy! Yay!

Gov./Econ. was boring and full of busywork as usually so I'll spare you the details. Math class was really awesome and suffice it to say, I haven't been able to stop smiling since then> If you want to know what happened IM me, but if you know anything aboutthatt class, you may have a hunch as to what happened. *faints*

Bananaphone!