In addition to constantly walking or biking around campus, I've actually begun to engage in (prepare yourself)...
aerobic activity.
Yeah, I know.
Basically I've been going to the Scotford Fitness Center on-campus and using the treadmill. Tuesday I worked out for about 25 minutes, traveled 1.8-ish miles, and burned 174 calories. Today I was kinda enjoying pushing myself and testing my endurance. I treadmilled it for about 1 hour and 3 minutes, traveled 4.08 miles, and burned 385 calories or something.
Like, woah. Me? Exercising? It always used to be Lynsey + anything where you have to sweat = NO. But now I kinda like getting my heart pumping and feeling my body glow with the warmth of activity. It just makes me feel more...alive. Also, when running, it's best not to actually think about what you're doing too much or you'll go crazy and getting tired/frustrated faster, so I find it an excellent opportunity to listen to some good music, pray, think about my life, things that I've been frustrated with, or lessons I've been learning. I only got back from Scotford a few hours ago and I kinda already want to go back. I think I'm possessed or something.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
That Treats Me!
Hey, I got a call-back for the Whitworth Women's Choir! I have a group audition today at 4:30 and I think I find out tomorrow-ish whether I got in. Yay!
Update [8:48 pm]: I made it!
Update [8:48 pm]: I made it!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye
Yeah, I'm in college. Not just any college, but Whitworth College in Spokane, Washington. I know, you’re shocked. Imagine how I must be feeling.
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
College has seemed so far-off for so long. Even at graduation this day seemed so distant (partly because I didn’t want it to come).
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Things have changed a lot since graduation. Of course, when I say “things” I mean “private stuff that (for the benefit of all concerned parties) I don’t feel like bandying about the internet.” If you need to know, you probably already know. The only fact pertinent to this writing is the fact that all of my goals, plans, and dreams have quite unexpectedly been reshaped over the summer.
…sometimes it’s a sad song
Reshaping goals and dreams and the like is a very disquieting process. That being the case, this hasn’t exactly been the greatest summer ever, but neither has it been the worst. I’ve discovered so much about myself and…well, everything. In some ways I’m so grateful for all that has happened because of what I’ve learned through it. Of course, most learning involves enduring a little pain, and I’m still feeling that too.
The road is long there are mountains in the way
I’ve had many things to overcome this summer. Heartbreak, anger, sorrow, rejection, fear, despair, mistrust, and my inability to acknowledge that God’s plan is better, not just as a nice sentiment, but also in my attitudes and actions. As the summer has progressed my mindset has changed many times. Hopeless to hopeful. Desperate to placid. Frantic to patient. Pensive to…well, I think pensive is going to be here a while. These changes have been good. Very healthy, I think. Of course…most of the events inspiring these changes have been very dramatic.
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out
Have I mentioned how much I hate drama?
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
While leaving behind my awesome group of friends and all my teachers and my school and my church and my family is really sad, there’s so much drama attached to all of those things, I’ve reached the point where leaving will have more positive outcomes than negative.
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve reached a place in my life where continuing to grow as a person and as a Christian demands some sort of dramatic change. Of course, if I tried very hard I could've still grown a little if I stayed in Troutdale, in the same house, and hung out with basically the same people. I could've do that, but the biggest, best growth will come with a total change of pace.
Why does distance make us wise?
I hate that part of becoming who God designed me to be and giving “My Utmost For His Highest” (That book is a killer, by the way. Reader beware!) means leaving everything I’ve ever known, but I know that He will use it to teach me so much. Distance, being away, is what is going to teach me so many of the things I have to learn. This is true for me and all of my friends who are starting out new chapters in their lives, as well as the people being we leave behind. The pain and sadness of separation is where many of our lessons lie.
Everything will change
Over the summer it’s been hard for me to imagine a better plan (I liked my plan!) or see how God could make a situation I deemed hopeless into something more wonderful and amazing than I could ever imagine, but that’s exactly what God has promised.
“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”
- Isaiah 43:19
”’…For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you…’”
– Jeremiah 29:11-14
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
…
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
I’m determined to become a new person in college. Now, when I say that I don’t mean I’m going to come home with a half-dozen more holes in my body, a low-maintenance wardrobe comprised entirely of sweatpants and hoodies, a smarmy boyfriend, poor hygeine, and a bad attitude. I’m speaking more of a deep-down inside change. That kind of “renewing of your mind,” “united in his death and resurrection” stuff that changes hearts and lives.
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”
- Romans 6:4
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n’s Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.
I want to spend my time at Whitworth, and really, the rest of my life, pursuing that goal. To “live a new life” free from the selfishness in my heart and soul and mind that’s been a part of me for so long. To work to become more like my Father every day and reveal His love and grace and truth to others through even the simplest things about the way I live my life. I dedicate my time at Whitworth, my future career, my future family, my entire life and everything I have to that goal.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
So that’s why I’m at WHitworth. To escape the drama. To learn lessons. To grow. To become a new person: the person I was created to be.
With a little bit of money we could buy us a car.
With a little luck we could get away from where we are.
Let's get out of here.
I can’t believe this is goodbye
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
College has seemed so far-off for so long. Even at graduation this day seemed so distant (partly because I didn’t want it to come).
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Things have changed a lot since graduation. Of course, when I say “things” I mean “private stuff that (for the benefit of all concerned parties) I don’t feel like bandying about the internet.” If you need to know, you probably already know. The only fact pertinent to this writing is the fact that all of my goals, plans, and dreams have quite unexpectedly been reshaped over the summer.
…sometimes it’s a sad song
Reshaping goals and dreams and the like is a very disquieting process. That being the case, this hasn’t exactly been the greatest summer ever, but neither has it been the worst. I’ve discovered so much about myself and…well, everything. In some ways I’m so grateful for all that has happened because of what I’ve learned through it. Of course, most learning involves enduring a little pain, and I’m still feeling that too.
The road is long there are mountains in the way
I’ve had many things to overcome this summer. Heartbreak, anger, sorrow, rejection, fear, despair, mistrust, and my inability to acknowledge that God’s plan is better, not just as a nice sentiment, but also in my attitudes and actions. As the summer has progressed my mindset has changed many times. Hopeless to hopeful. Desperate to placid. Frantic to patient. Pensive to…well, I think pensive is going to be here a while. These changes have been good. Very healthy, I think. Of course…most of the events inspiring these changes have been very dramatic.
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out
Have I mentioned how much I hate drama?
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
While leaving behind my awesome group of friends and all my teachers and my school and my church and my family is really sad, there’s so much drama attached to all of those things, I’ve reached the point where leaving will have more positive outcomes than negative.
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve reached a place in my life where continuing to grow as a person and as a Christian demands some sort of dramatic change. Of course, if I tried very hard I could've still grown a little if I stayed in Troutdale, in the same house, and hung out with basically the same people. I could've do that, but the biggest, best growth will come with a total change of pace.
Why does distance make us wise?
I hate that part of becoming who God designed me to be and giving “My Utmost For His Highest” (That book is a killer, by the way. Reader beware!) means leaving everything I’ve ever known, but I know that He will use it to teach me so much. Distance, being away, is what is going to teach me so many of the things I have to learn. This is true for me and all of my friends who are starting out new chapters in their lives, as well as the people being we leave behind. The pain and sadness of separation is where many of our lessons lie.
Everything will change
Over the summer it’s been hard for me to imagine a better plan (I liked my plan!) or see how God could make a situation I deemed hopeless into something more wonderful and amazing than I could ever imagine, but that’s exactly what God has promised.
“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”
- Isaiah 43:19
”’…For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you…’”
– Jeremiah 29:11-14
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
…
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
I’m determined to become a new person in college. Now, when I say that I don’t mean I’m going to come home with a half-dozen more holes in my body, a low-maintenance wardrobe comprised entirely of sweatpants and hoodies, a smarmy boyfriend, poor hygeine, and a bad attitude. I’m speaking more of a deep-down inside change. That kind of “renewing of your mind,” “united in his death and resurrection” stuff that changes hearts and lives.
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”
- Romans 6:4
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n’s Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.
I want to spend my time at Whitworth, and really, the rest of my life, pursuing that goal. To “live a new life” free from the selfishness in my heart and soul and mind that’s been a part of me for so long. To work to become more like my Father every day and reveal His love and grace and truth to others through even the simplest things about the way I live my life. I dedicate my time at Whitworth, my future career, my future family, my entire life and everything I have to that goal.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
So that’s why I’m at WHitworth. To escape the drama. To learn lessons. To grow. To become a new person: the person I was created to be.
With a little bit of money we could buy us a car.
With a little luck we could get away from where we are.
Let's get out of here.
I can’t believe this is goodbye
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
We all fall sometimes
We all let ourselves down
Sometimes there's nothing left but to live with what's been done
And know you're not the only one who falls.
We all fail sometimes
We all let someone down
Sometimes there's nothing left but to promise to ourselves
That next time we won't be the one to fail.
I wanna tell you you can go on
That beginnings come from ends
I still believe in you and so does God
He's the one who still believes in those who fail
He's the one who still believes in us who fall
- Superchic[k], "We All Fall"
We all let ourselves down
Sometimes there's nothing left but to live with what's been done
And know you're not the only one who falls.
We all fail sometimes
We all let someone down
Sometimes there's nothing left but to promise to ourselves
That next time we won't be the one to fail.
I wanna tell you you can go on
That beginnings come from ends
I still believe in you and so does God
He's the one who still believes in those who fail
He's the one who still believes in us who fall
- Superchic[k], "We All Fall"
Saturday, July 15, 2006
It's Unheard Of, Really
I mean, actually posting on my blog? I really am going crazy.
Basically, the biggest recent news is that I put in my two-week notice at Kohl's last week. That place was really stressing me out, so I decided to take the last month or so before college starts to relax, say goodbye to friends, and get ready to start a brand new chapter in my life. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole "new chapter" thing though. I mean, I just got used to the old chapter! I was really feelin' it! I wish I could look at some SparkNotes-style summaries of all the rest of the chapters of my life. It'd be just enough to give me a general idea of what's gonna happen without ruining the lovely nuances of my future. Of course, that isn't going to happen. Alas, there isn't even a Table of Contents with revealing chapter names to give me hints of what's to come.
Honestly, that's about it. Catch y'all later.
P.S. - My brother convinced me to get a Flickr account. I don't have many pictures up because I started out trying to upload pictures that were too big and ate up 68% of my monthly bandwidth allotment before I realized what'd happened and made them smaller, so you'll have to wait a bit to see any more new stuff. Here's the URL:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pynsey
Basically, the biggest recent news is that I put in my two-week notice at Kohl's last week. That place was really stressing me out, so I decided to take the last month or so before college starts to relax, say goodbye to friends, and get ready to start a brand new chapter in my life. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole "new chapter" thing though. I mean, I just got used to the old chapter! I was really feelin' it! I wish I could look at some SparkNotes-style summaries of all the rest of the chapters of my life. It'd be just enough to give me a general idea of what's gonna happen without ruining the lovely nuances of my future. Of course, that isn't going to happen. Alas, there isn't even a Table of Contents with revealing chapter names to give me hints of what's to come.
Honestly, that's about it. Catch y'all later.
P.S. - My brother convinced me to get a Flickr account. I don't have many pictures up because I started out trying to upload pictures that were too big and ate up 68% of my monthly bandwidth allotment before I realized what'd happened and made them smaller, so you'll have to wait a bit to see any more new stuff. Here's the URL:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pynsey
Monday, July 10, 2006
"L" Is For the Way You Look at Me...
"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Love is simultaneously the most beautiful and most complicated thing in the world; the most simple and the most complex; the most fulfilling and the most draining; the most soothing and the most painful. Love is first an unknown force attracting you to another human being. They seem beautiful and perfect to you in every way; you never imagined you would find someone who understands and cares for you in this way. Then time goes by, obstacles and complications arise; you are suddenly cognizant of the fact that the person before you is not perfect, and they realize the same of you. This is when the involuntary act of "falling in love" gives way to the reality of which true love is comprised: work.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
"Love never fails."
- I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
This Bible verse about love is often quoted, but I think people view this in a much more passive sense than it was intended. What I mean is, people seem to think that this is what comes naturally or easily if you "really" love someone and if these things don't just happen, maybe you're not really in love. Of course, this is not the case.
Love is action. Love is hard work. Days before his crucifixion, Jesus told his disciples exactly what it means to love someone:
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
- John 15:13 (NIV)
You see, love is sacrifice. Now, for most people, loving others will not involve literally dying for them, but I imagine that the sort of "dying" we who love and follow Christ must do every day (that is, dying to the self every day) should be applied to everyone we love. To truly love someone, you must make a conscious decision to their needs and desires before your own. Unfortunately, if my own inclinations are any indication, this completely defies the human's natural instincts. It is only through the love and grace Jesus has shown me and through the work he is slowly doing to rid me of the cancerous "self" and replace my old thoughts and desires with his own that I have made what little progress I have toward becoming a truly loving person.
There are many people I would say that I "love," but if I were to be truly honest with myself, I would realize that, most of the time, there are many people I feel affection for and treat well when it suits my purposes or moods. If they happen to catch me on a bad day or if they do something I dislike, my "love" seems to vanish all too quickly. This is something I greatly dislike about myself, and I pray that Jesus will continue the work he has started in me to change this. I want to really love the people I love. This means all of my family and friends, and also one person in particular whom I love very much and in a way I never thought I could who seems to doubt the ability of people our age to truly know what love is and experience it. I'm afraid this person has given up on love. I only pray that their faith in this greatest thing will return if, through my actions, I can show true love which "always hopes, always perseveres." That I can be a model of the fact that "love never fails," no matter how hard it gets or how much it hurts. I pray that I can be a living reflection of the perfect, sacrificial love of Christ.
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