Oh, Sorry...

I know it's been a while, I guess I just haven't been in a blogging mood for a couple...months. Sorry.

Basically, a new year has started. My final semester at Reynolds has begun, and that (among other things) has left me in a perpetually contemplative and wistful state. My apologies to anyone who has to be around me these days.

Lately I've been in a very...ballad-ish mood. Simon & Garfunkel are my new old best friends...

Can you imagine us years from today
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange to be seventy.

Here is my song for the asking
Ask me and I will play
So sweetly, I'’ll make you smile

This is my tune for the taking
Take it, don'’t turn away
I've been waiting all my life
...
Ask me and I will play
All the love that I hold inside

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all
I'm on your side, when times get rough
and friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down

...Steven Curtis Chapman is constant source of musical joy...

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
Oh, I will be here.

...Barlow Girl balances out the group as a more recent find...

I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

...and Five For Fighting just...is...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Those are the songs of Senior Year, I think.

I got pictures back from The Music Man, I might post them tomorrow, if you're lucky.

A Lesson in Humility

Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning may recognize this post from April 23rd, 2004:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Once again, Jenell has been made the victim of society. She ran for Junior class counsel and lost. As before, many of the candidates who won were really good for the job and will do it well, but some of them are total chuckleheads. (as Huck Finn would say) One guy actually used a sock puppet in his speech. It's just not fair. I'm so disappointed in the political process at our school I could sit down and cry. It's all based on who you know and how you look. There are some fine members of our newly elected counsel. Some of them are really smart, hardworking people, but I guarantee you if Jessica Nomie or Steven Hill weren't "beautiful people" they wouldn't have been elected today. It's the sad truth about elections not only in our school but across our entire country. People only gain votes if they have "name recognition" and know "the right people". I feel really bad for Jenell and I wish there was something I more I could do for her, but right now I'm just going to be there for her and pray.

Fate is a Cruel Mistress

The post has now been edited to include this humble and sincere retraction:

Edit: Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 12:47 AM

The immaturity of my past always has a way of catching up to me sometime.

Alas, this unfortunate post which is now over a year and a half old has gone out and done damage I never intended, and may very well have put a major tarnish on my reputation. The typo-plagued rantings of a vengeful best friend have now tragically victimized some very hard-working and intelligent students who were elected to council positions that spring. At the time I wrote this post I knew neither Steven nor Jessica. At this point, I still do not know Steven (although from what I understand he is a very nice guy), but I do have the good fortune to know Jessica. Jessica didn't just win because she's a "beautiful person," she is a hard-working, intelligent, well-spoken student leader for whom I have the utmost respect. I really do not know where I got off saying such vile things about her or Steven, and I can only attribute it to my own 15-year-old immaturity and inability appropriately express my own frustrations. I apologize for anyone who might have been hurt by this post, and I hope that they understand that it is not at all a reflection of how I feel about them today and that they will be willing to forgive a horribly foolish mistake of the past.

I honestly cannot believe I did that. I mean, I know I did it because I now recall writing the post, but still... What made me think I could treat people like that? Was I really that mean/stupid? Man...I can be such a jerk sometimes.

SATed

Critical Reading: 680
Math: 610
Writing: 710

Total: 2000

Fin.

*panic*

So...(la ti do)the show opens in three hours, which is crazy. We did have two student previews where we ran the entire show for RHS and elementary students, but that was considered more of a rehearsal with an audience...so this is our first real show...

*dies*

Phew!

Sunday: Set up haunted house for five hours
Monday: School, haunted house for six hours
Tuesday: School, play practice 'til eight
Wednesday: School, play practice 'til eight
Thursday: School, play practice 'til eight
Friday: Nathan comes home at one thirty in the morning, school, play practice 'til eight
Saturday: SATs at Parkrose for five hours

...

Oh yeah, the show opens next Wednesday. *dies*

Here are the show dates:

Wednesday (9th)- 9:00 AM* (RHS student preview)
Thursday (10th)- 9:00 AM (RHS student preview)
Friday (11th)- 7:30 PM*
Saturday (12th)- 2:00 PM, 7:30 PM*
Friday (18th)- 2:00 PM*, 7:30 PM

Tickets are $5 for the student previews and $8 for the rest of the shows. If you want tickets contact me and I will so hook you up.

* indicates a show where I'm playing Marian.

Okay.

Problems become much less painful and complicated when you finally figure out that they aren't important; when you decide that you can do better than that guy who treats you like dirt, or simply doesn't return your feelings; when you realize that your life is full of friends who care enough about you to listen to you complain, to offer you advice when you need and want it, and to give you ego that extra little boost it needs when you're feelin' down; and most of all, when you can rely on God, whose love is always there, no matter what, even though you don't deserve it.

Thank you, problems. You make me appreciate the seemingly problemless times so much more.

Thank you, men. Your existence makes life...interesting

Thank you, my friends. You are all so wonderful. You let me whine at you, and you offered me advice, and you gave me lots of support and comfort when I needed it. You guys rock my socks.

Thank you, God. You love me, even though I don't' come close to deserving it. You rock my world.


'Cause he showed me His love
by sending me you
And it's ok now
Everything's ok

My Life as the Emotional Equivalent of Kingda Ka

When I last posted here, my life was going fantastically. Of course, precisely a week later, things were not going so well, and life has had some virulently dramatic ups and downs since then. My classes are still totally fun (minus my TA period), play practice still tends to be the highlight of my day, and when we taped our episode of High-Five on the 5th, which was a total blast. The thing is, despite all of this really great stuff that's been going on in my life, one issue has dragging me down. A part of me feels like I have a big decision to make, like I need to take action and then live with the consequences. The other part of me feels like I'm stuck with no options whatsoever, like I can move neither forward or backward, and I'm just waiting for something to happen, because no matter what I do, it will yield the same result as ever.

What I am referring to is my current situation _____________________*. ______frustrate me to no end. I feel like there always has and always will be _______________________________well...__________. It's like every time __________, there's something _______________________ happening.

In __________ it was ______. I ________, __________ me, then ______________________________. ___ broke________. It's hard ___________________________________ a person.

It wasn't until __________________I got really ____________ again. ________ seemed perfect _______ in every way, and _____________ a very long time, __________________________________. _________. It's hard _____________________________________________.

That same year ______________, ______________________, and I wasn't ____________________. It's hard to have ___________________________.

At the end __________, _____________________. I couldn't stop ____________, and I had _______________. In reality, ______________ good ___________, and if it weren't for the fact ________________, _______________________. Things as they are, _________________________irreconcilable _________________________. ________________________________ doesn't help either. ___________________________________________________opposite directions.

In _____________, _______________ directed elsewhere, and, to be honest, ___________________. ___ intensely _____________, ______________...but _________________. It seems that ___________________. ______________, it's because _______________________________________. This makes ________________________________, ___ completely unattainable. Part of me wants to just ____________________________________, I'd be ____________________, ____________ I think ____________________________________________________, ___ using ________________________________________________ other. _____ the other part of me ____________, ___________________________________________________so much ____________________________________________________, __ nary _________, nor ________. It's hard ________________________________ cares more about __________ the possibility ________.

While the memories of __________________ still _________, _____ and ____ are ______________________ crazy. ______________ throughout ______________, even though _____________________________________________, and _________________________ everyone, I can't really tell ________________. _______________________________________________ dismayed ____________ positively ill, _____________________________________________________. I've barely ______________, _______I think _______________. ___________ should ____________, but I don't want to _______________. As far as _________________, it's been __________________ "__, ______________________!" _________________________, _____________________similar _____________________________, __________ unsure of ___________. Of course, the fact that ____________________________ "_______" ________________ doesn't help _____________.

So right now, _____(______________) ___________________ life an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I'm on top of the world, and other times I feel like ________________________. Hopefully things will all work out soon. If I got my way, this problem would end with ____________________________________________________, I know that God's way is always better, and if he wants me to come out of this with ___________________, or some other ___, or ________________ at all, I know that he'll take care of me and make everything work out all right.

*This post has been edited from its original version. It has been formatted to...not be incriminating.


Anyway the thing is well I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen