Does that include nightmares?
I've been having a lot of bad dreams for....several months now. Usually they're just shocking, embarrassing, or saddening, but last night's imagining was by far the most memorably frightening.
I won't go into details, but I will say these dreams are often of a disturbing nature and involve me doing awful things I would (or at least should) never do in reality and feeling totally content or even really happy doing it. The cast of characters in my dreams tends to vary pretty widely, with repeats being a rarity. This...keeps it interesting? I don't know.
Probably the worst dreams are the happy ones. Like ones where I'm with my best friend and then I wake up to discover that Best Friend isn't here. No, Best Friend is so very far away.
As far as last night's dream is concerned, I don't remember a lot of it, but the thing that stands out to me the most is the fact that Daddy went crazy. Daddy tried to kill me because I found out (by reading the back of a spoon) he was having loco serial killer (or, in light of the spoon, perhaps cereal killer?...I slay me!) thoughts against Mommy. Then I said something about Jesus that he didn't like or something...and he tried to strangle me.
First of all, Daddy, you are not a serial(/cereal) killer. I think the only reason you parental types were in this dream was because Parent's Weekend is tomorrow(!!!) so I was thinking about you near the time I went to bed. I'm pretty sure the sinister part of my dream was inspired by this creepy short story by Truman Capote called "Miriam" I had to read for my literature class. It had this scary little girl in it who I'm pretty sure just came to harass people right before they died...IT'S LIKE THE RING! AHHHH!
You might have noticed I said this was the most memorable frightening dream I've had. That's because the first fantasy in this multi-month-spanning series was also a nightmare, but I can't remember anything about it. All I recall is waking up very early that morning realizing that I'd had some sort of terrible nightmare, not remembering what it was at all, and being very frightened for over and hour. I was overcome with a grave sense of peril and foreboding.
If these are the wishes my heart makes...I need a transplant.
May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any dream will do
- Donny Osmond, "Any Dream Will Do"
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
A Penetrating Experience.
1. I told my parents about it before I did it, so I'm not a rebel.
2. I did research and visited the place beforehand, so I'm not stupid.
3. I'm not going to start wearing revealing clothes to show it off, so I'm not a tramp.
4. I did it for myself and nobody else, so I'm not a slave to peer-pressure.
Oh, also:
5. It's cute, so...it's cute!
I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
You're so deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
And I've got you under my skin
- Michael Bublé, "I've Got You Under My Skin"
P.S. - Yes, it hurt.
2. I did research and visited the place beforehand, so I'm not stupid.
3. I'm not going to start wearing revealing clothes to show it off, so I'm not a tramp.
4. I did it for myself and nobody else, so I'm not a slave to peer-pressure.
Oh, also:
5. It's cute, so...it's cute!
I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
You're so deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
And I've got you under my skin
- Michael Bublé, "I've Got You Under My Skin"
P.S. - Yes, it hurt.
For Good
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn,
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them,
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood;
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea,
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood;
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.
And just to clear the air,
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share,
And none of it seems to matter anymore
...
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
And because I knew you
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth, Wicked
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn,
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them,
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood;
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea,
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood;
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.
And just to clear the air,
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share,
And none of it seems to matter anymore
...
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
And because I knew you
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth, Wicked
Thursday, September 28, 2006
I'm Sorry, Professor, My Roommate Ate My Homework.
So, I've been in college for nearly three weeks now, and here are the highlights:
I only cried once due to academic overload the first week of school. Sweet. I mean, for me, that's quite an accomplishment.
I got into Women's Choir and love it. (The dresses aren't even that ugly!)
I went around and hugged random people for an Intro to Sociology project.
I had a guy tell me I look like Kristin Bell.
I got A's (48/50 for Core and 49/50 for Intro to the Christian Faith) on my first two official college papers.
I bought the new John Mayer CD, Continuum, and adore it. There are so many amazing songs on there that totally fit me right now. Brilliant.
I joined lastfm.com, so if you want to check out what I've been listening to, pop on over.
If you include the 301 pages I had to read over the summer, I've read 1,597 pages since school started.
I will end up having read 5,267 pages (including the summer reading) by the end of this semester .
Hmm, nothing else terribly amazing going on, except that, while doing some research on doves and pigeons...
Okay, that probably could bare further explanation. In Core we had an interesting/enlightening lecture on Genesis 15 and the and God's covenant Abraham. I had some question for Dr. Beebe after the lecture about a few details, such as why Abraham didn't cut the two birds (a dove and a young pigeon) with the other animals. We had learned in class that the other animals were cut in order to "cut a covenant" as was the custom of the time in that region, but didn't talk about why the birds were left untouched. I talked to Beebe for a while and discovered that there is no definite answer he could give me, so I ventured to do some research on my own as to the role of doves and pigeons in animal sacrifice in the OT, as well as their symbolism. So yeah, if anyone is interested I can e-mail you what I found and subsequently deduced, but that is so not the point right now.
Anyway, I was researching pigeons and doves and somehow stumbled upon the Ig Nobel Awards. "The Ig Nobel Prizes are a parody of the Nobel Prizes and are given each year in early autumn — around the time the recipients of the genuine Nobel Prizes are announced — for ten achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think." Organized by the scientific humor journal Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), they are presented by genuine Nobel Laureates at a ceremony at Harvard University."
Basically, I spent (/wasted) a good hour cracking up over these awards. Here are just a few of my favorite recipients:
Mathematics, 1994:
The Southern Baptist Church of Alabama, mathematical measurers of morality, for their county-by-county estimate of how many Alabama citizens will go to Hell if they don't repent.
Medicine, 1998:
To Patient Y and to his doctors, Caroline Mills, Meirion Llewelyn, David Kelly, and Peter Holt, of Royal Gwent Hospital, in Newport, Wales, for the cautionary medical report, "A Man Who Pricked His Finger and Smelled Putrid for 5 Years."
Literature, 1999:
The British Standards Institution for its six-page specification (BS-6008) of the proper way to make a cup of tea.
Chemistry, 2000:
Donatella Marazziti, Alessandra Rossi, and Giovanni B. Cassano of the University of Pisa, and Hagop S. Akiskal of the University of California (San Diego), for their discovery that, biochemically, romantic love may be indistinguishable from having severe obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Astrophysics, 2001:
Dr. Jack and Rexella Van Impe of Jack Van Impe Ministries, Rochester Hills, Michigan, for their discovery that black holes fulfill all the technical requirements to be the location of Hell.
Literature, 2001:
John Richards of Boston, England, founder of The Apostrophe Protection Society, for his efforts to protect, promote, and defend the differences between plural and possessive.
Economics, 2003:
Karl Schwärzler and the nation of Liechtenstein, for making it possible to rent the entire country for corporate conventions, weddings, bar mitzvahs, and other gatherings.
Public Health, 2004:
Jillian Clarke of the Chicago High School for Agricultural Sciences, and then Howard University, for investigating the scientific validity of the Five-Second Rule about whether it's safe to eat food that's been dropped on the floor.
Medicine, 2004:
Steven Stack of Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan, USA and James Gundlach of Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama, USA, for their published report "The Effect of Country Music on Suicide."
The Ig Nobel pize cermony for 2006 is scarce days away, so I'll be posting the best of this year's for your enjoyment.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering...
"Dreaming With a Broken Heart"
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
"The Heart of Life"
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
Oh I'm never really ready, I'm never really ready
I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there
I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there
"In Repair"
- John Mayer
I only cried once due to academic overload the first week of school. Sweet. I mean, for me, that's quite an accomplishment.
I got into Women's Choir and love it. (The dresses aren't even that ugly!)
I went around and hugged random people for an Intro to Sociology project.
I had a guy tell me I look like Kristin Bell.
I got A's (48/50 for Core and 49/50 for Intro to the Christian Faith) on my first two official college papers.
I bought the new John Mayer CD, Continuum, and adore it. There are so many amazing songs on there that totally fit me right now. Brilliant.
I joined lastfm.com, so if you want to check out what I've been listening to, pop on over.
If you include the 301 pages I had to read over the summer, I've read 1,597 pages since school started.
I will end up having read 5,267 pages (including the summer reading) by the end of this semester .
Hmm, nothing else terribly amazing going on, except that, while doing some research on doves and pigeons...
Okay, that probably could bare further explanation. In Core we had an interesting/enlightening lecture on Genesis 15 and the and God's covenant Abraham. I had some question for Dr. Beebe after the lecture about a few details, such as why Abraham didn't cut the two birds (a dove and a young pigeon) with the other animals. We had learned in class that the other animals were cut in order to "cut a covenant" as was the custom of the time in that region, but didn't talk about why the birds were left untouched. I talked to Beebe for a while and discovered that there is no definite answer he could give me, so I ventured to do some research on my own as to the role of doves and pigeons in animal sacrifice in the OT, as well as their symbolism. So yeah, if anyone is interested I can e-mail you what I found and subsequently deduced, but that is so not the point right now.
Anyway, I was researching pigeons and doves and somehow stumbled upon the Ig Nobel Awards. "The Ig Nobel Prizes are a parody of the Nobel Prizes and are given each year in early autumn — around the time the recipients of the genuine Nobel Prizes are announced — for ten achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think." Organized by the scientific humor journal Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), they are presented by genuine Nobel Laureates at a ceremony at Harvard University."
Basically, I spent (/wasted) a good hour cracking up over these awards. Here are just a few of my favorite recipients:
Mathematics, 1994:
The Southern Baptist Church of Alabama, mathematical measurers of morality, for their county-by-county estimate of how many Alabama citizens will go to Hell if they don't repent.
Medicine, 1998:
To Patient Y and to his doctors, Caroline Mills, Meirion Llewelyn, David Kelly, and Peter Holt, of Royal Gwent Hospital, in Newport, Wales, for the cautionary medical report, "A Man Who Pricked His Finger and Smelled Putrid for 5 Years."
Literature, 1999:
The British Standards Institution for its six-page specification (BS-6008) of the proper way to make a cup of tea.
Chemistry, 2000:
Donatella Marazziti, Alessandra Rossi, and Giovanni B. Cassano of the University of Pisa, and Hagop S. Akiskal of the University of California (San Diego), for their discovery that, biochemically, romantic love may be indistinguishable from having severe obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Astrophysics, 2001:
Dr. Jack and Rexella Van Impe of Jack Van Impe Ministries, Rochester Hills, Michigan, for their discovery that black holes fulfill all the technical requirements to be the location of Hell.
Literature, 2001:
John Richards of Boston, England, founder of The Apostrophe Protection Society, for his efforts to protect, promote, and defend the differences between plural and possessive.
Economics, 2003:
Karl Schwärzler and the nation of Liechtenstein, for making it possible to rent the entire country for corporate conventions, weddings, bar mitzvahs, and other gatherings.
Public Health, 2004:
Jillian Clarke of the Chicago High School for Agricultural Sciences, and then Howard University, for investigating the scientific validity of the Five-Second Rule about whether it's safe to eat food that's been dropped on the floor.
Medicine, 2004:
Steven Stack of Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan, USA and James Gundlach of Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama, USA, for their published report "The Effect of Country Music on Suicide."
The Ig Nobel pize cermony for 2006 is scarce days away, so I'll be posting the best of this year's for your enjoyment.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering...
"Dreaming With a Broken Heart"
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
"The Heart of Life"
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
Oh I'm never really ready, I'm never really ready
I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there
I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there
"In Repair"
- John Mayer
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Get You Groove Fitness On
In addition to constantly walking or biking around campus, I've actually begun to engage in (prepare yourself)...
aerobic activity.
Yeah, I know.
Basically I've been going to the Scotford Fitness Center on-campus and using the treadmill. Tuesday I worked out for about 25 minutes, traveled 1.8-ish miles, and burned 174 calories. Today I was kinda enjoying pushing myself and testing my endurance. I treadmilled it for about 1 hour and 3 minutes, traveled 4.08 miles, and burned 385 calories or something.
Like, woah. Me? Exercising? It always used to be Lynsey + anything where you have to sweat = NO. But now I kinda like getting my heart pumping and feeling my body glow with the warmth of activity. It just makes me feel more...alive. Also, when running, it's best not to actually think about what you're doing too much or you'll go crazy and getting tired/frustrated faster, so I find it an excellent opportunity to listen to some good music, pray, think about my life, things that I've been frustrated with, or lessons I've been learning. I only got back from Scotford a few hours ago and I kinda already want to go back. I think I'm possessed or something.
aerobic activity.
Yeah, I know.
Basically I've been going to the Scotford Fitness Center on-campus and using the treadmill. Tuesday I worked out for about 25 minutes, traveled 1.8-ish miles, and burned 174 calories. Today I was kinda enjoying pushing myself and testing my endurance. I treadmilled it for about 1 hour and 3 minutes, traveled 4.08 miles, and burned 385 calories or something.
Like, woah. Me? Exercising? It always used to be Lynsey + anything where you have to sweat = NO. But now I kinda like getting my heart pumping and feeling my body glow with the warmth of activity. It just makes me feel more...alive. Also, when running, it's best not to actually think about what you're doing too much or you'll go crazy and getting tired/frustrated faster, so I find it an excellent opportunity to listen to some good music, pray, think about my life, things that I've been frustrated with, or lessons I've been learning. I only got back from Scotford a few hours ago and I kinda already want to go back. I think I'm possessed or something.
Monday, September 11, 2006
That Treats Me!
Hey, I got a call-back for the Whitworth Women's Choir! I have a group audition today at 4:30 and I think I find out tomorrow-ish whether I got in. Yay!
Update [8:48 pm]: I made it!
Update [8:48 pm]: I made it!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye
Yeah, I'm in college. Not just any college, but Whitworth College in Spokane, Washington. I know, you’re shocked. Imagine how I must be feeling.
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
College has seemed so far-off for so long. Even at graduation this day seemed so distant (partly because I didn’t want it to come).
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Things have changed a lot since graduation. Of course, when I say “things” I mean “private stuff that (for the benefit of all concerned parties) I don’t feel like bandying about the internet.” If you need to know, you probably already know. The only fact pertinent to this writing is the fact that all of my goals, plans, and dreams have quite unexpectedly been reshaped over the summer.
…sometimes it’s a sad song
Reshaping goals and dreams and the like is a very disquieting process. That being the case, this hasn’t exactly been the greatest summer ever, but neither has it been the worst. I’ve discovered so much about myself and…well, everything. In some ways I’m so grateful for all that has happened because of what I’ve learned through it. Of course, most learning involves enduring a little pain, and I’m still feeling that too.
The road is long there are mountains in the way
I’ve had many things to overcome this summer. Heartbreak, anger, sorrow, rejection, fear, despair, mistrust, and my inability to acknowledge that God’s plan is better, not just as a nice sentiment, but also in my attitudes and actions. As the summer has progressed my mindset has changed many times. Hopeless to hopeful. Desperate to placid. Frantic to patient. Pensive to…well, I think pensive is going to be here a while. These changes have been good. Very healthy, I think. Of course…most of the events inspiring these changes have been very dramatic.
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out
Have I mentioned how much I hate drama?
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
While leaving behind my awesome group of friends and all my teachers and my school and my church and my family is really sad, there’s so much drama attached to all of those things, I’ve reached the point where leaving will have more positive outcomes than negative.
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve reached a place in my life where continuing to grow as a person and as a Christian demands some sort of dramatic change. Of course, if I tried very hard I could've still grown a little if I stayed in Troutdale, in the same house, and hung out with basically the same people. I could've do that, but the biggest, best growth will come with a total change of pace.
Why does distance make us wise?
I hate that part of becoming who God designed me to be and giving “My Utmost For His Highest” (That book is a killer, by the way. Reader beware!) means leaving everything I’ve ever known, but I know that He will use it to teach me so much. Distance, being away, is what is going to teach me so many of the things I have to learn. This is true for me and all of my friends who are starting out new chapters in their lives, as well as the people being we leave behind. The pain and sadness of separation is where many of our lessons lie.
Everything will change
Over the summer it’s been hard for me to imagine a better plan (I liked my plan!) or see how God could make a situation I deemed hopeless into something more wonderful and amazing than I could ever imagine, but that’s exactly what God has promised.
“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”
- Isaiah 43:19
”’…For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you…’”
– Jeremiah 29:11-14
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
…
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
I’m determined to become a new person in college. Now, when I say that I don’t mean I’m going to come home with a half-dozen more holes in my body, a low-maintenance wardrobe comprised entirely of sweatpants and hoodies, a smarmy boyfriend, poor hygeine, and a bad attitude. I’m speaking more of a deep-down inside change. That kind of “renewing of your mind,” “united in his death and resurrection” stuff that changes hearts and lives.
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”
- Romans 6:4
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n’s Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.
I want to spend my time at Whitworth, and really, the rest of my life, pursuing that goal. To “live a new life” free from the selfishness in my heart and soul and mind that’s been a part of me for so long. To work to become more like my Father every day and reveal His love and grace and truth to others through even the simplest things about the way I live my life. I dedicate my time at Whitworth, my future career, my future family, my entire life and everything I have to that goal.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
So that’s why I’m at WHitworth. To escape the drama. To learn lessons. To grow. To become a new person: the person I was created to be.
With a little bit of money we could buy us a car.
With a little luck we could get away from where we are.
Let's get out of here.
I can’t believe this is goodbye
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
College has seemed so far-off for so long. Even at graduation this day seemed so distant (partly because I didn’t want it to come).
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Things have changed a lot since graduation. Of course, when I say “things” I mean “private stuff that (for the benefit of all concerned parties) I don’t feel like bandying about the internet.” If you need to know, you probably already know. The only fact pertinent to this writing is the fact that all of my goals, plans, and dreams have quite unexpectedly been reshaped over the summer.
…sometimes it’s a sad song
Reshaping goals and dreams and the like is a very disquieting process. That being the case, this hasn’t exactly been the greatest summer ever, but neither has it been the worst. I’ve discovered so much about myself and…well, everything. In some ways I’m so grateful for all that has happened because of what I’ve learned through it. Of course, most learning involves enduring a little pain, and I’m still feeling that too.
The road is long there are mountains in the way
I’ve had many things to overcome this summer. Heartbreak, anger, sorrow, rejection, fear, despair, mistrust, and my inability to acknowledge that God’s plan is better, not just as a nice sentiment, but also in my attitudes and actions. As the summer has progressed my mindset has changed many times. Hopeless to hopeful. Desperate to placid. Frantic to patient. Pensive to…well, I think pensive is going to be here a while. These changes have been good. Very healthy, I think. Of course…most of the events inspiring these changes have been very dramatic.
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out
Have I mentioned how much I hate drama?
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
While leaving behind my awesome group of friends and all my teachers and my school and my church and my family is really sad, there’s so much drama attached to all of those things, I’ve reached the point where leaving will have more positive outcomes than negative.
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve reached a place in my life where continuing to grow as a person and as a Christian demands some sort of dramatic change. Of course, if I tried very hard I could've still grown a little if I stayed in Troutdale, in the same house, and hung out with basically the same people. I could've do that, but the biggest, best growth will come with a total change of pace.
Why does distance make us wise?
I hate that part of becoming who God designed me to be and giving “My Utmost For His Highest” (That book is a killer, by the way. Reader beware!) means leaving everything I’ve ever known, but I know that He will use it to teach me so much. Distance, being away, is what is going to teach me so many of the things I have to learn. This is true for me and all of my friends who are starting out new chapters in their lives, as well as the people being we leave behind. The pain and sadness of separation is where many of our lessons lie.
Everything will change
Over the summer it’s been hard for me to imagine a better plan (I liked my plan!) or see how God could make a situation I deemed hopeless into something more wonderful and amazing than I could ever imagine, but that’s exactly what God has promised.
“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”
- Isaiah 43:19
”’…For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you…’”
– Jeremiah 29:11-14
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
…
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
I’m determined to become a new person in college. Now, when I say that I don’t mean I’m going to come home with a half-dozen more holes in my body, a low-maintenance wardrobe comprised entirely of sweatpants and hoodies, a smarmy boyfriend, poor hygeine, and a bad attitude. I’m speaking more of a deep-down inside change. That kind of “renewing of your mind,” “united in his death and resurrection” stuff that changes hearts and lives.
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”
- Romans 6:4
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n’s Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.
I want to spend my time at Whitworth, and really, the rest of my life, pursuing that goal. To “live a new life” free from the selfishness in my heart and soul and mind that’s been a part of me for so long. To work to become more like my Father every day and reveal His love and grace and truth to others through even the simplest things about the way I live my life. I dedicate my time at Whitworth, my future career, my future family, my entire life and everything I have to that goal.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
So that’s why I’m at WHitworth. To escape the drama. To learn lessons. To grow. To become a new person: the person I was created to be.
With a little bit of money we could buy us a car.
With a little luck we could get away from where we are.
Let's get out of here.
I can’t believe this is goodbye
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