Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. - Isaac Asimov

What an odd existence I have....

To save us both some time I'll suffice it to say that up until today, my days have been rather unremarkable. Nothing too odd has happened to me and I've been feeling pretty good. But this morning something changed. I don't think anything went the way I planned it today.

Choir was ok, but during that class I realized that my hair had gone all crazy on me and I couldn't do a thing about it. I didn't mind too much, but then everything else went crazy for the rest of the day as well. Mrs. Bohart let us out of Pro Cantorum about 3 minutes after the bell rang, so I had to practically run to get to my TA class. While I was working on stuff for Stern I found a temporary but not pleasing solution for my hair but at least I got my work done fast. After completing my task I made my way over to the choir room to get in some practice and was greeted by what I first perceived as a good surprise, but I soon learned otherwise.

I ran into someone rather unexpectedly in the choir room. He was playing the baby grand in the room so beautifully and I just loved it. I couldn't help but adore him. As soon as he was done playing he was surprised to see so many people in the room. (A lot of people from his class were in there listening and he hadn't realized it.) What irritated me a bit in this situation was how he responded to my presence. He didn't seem to care that I was there or respond at all and it made me upset. I really don't think he meant anything by it or anything, but the event still put a bit of a damper on my spirits. It doesn't really bother me anymore, I can't hold a grudge against someone who can play Claire de Lune from memory like that. After he and his class left I played the piano for a while and, after practicing some of my usual pieces, I composed my own tune. I'm going to write it down sometime and give it a name, I'm rather proud of it.

After my TA period I headed over to Gov./Econ. class where I realized I had completely forgotten to study during my free period for the quiz we had today. I was a little annoyed, but we reviewed everything in class before the quiz and I'm fairly sure I got an A anyway. I'm glad that the time I almost completely forgot to study it was in a class that's so stupid-easy. I wish I were always so blessed.

By the last period of the day I was feeling positively sick with exhaustion. I was so tired after my long day/week that I'm sure everyone thought I was sad about something, but that's not what I'm feeling right now. Since this day started I have mostly been feeling discouraged and uncertain about something that I care very much about. I don't know what to do or say and I'm hoping that i don't screw the whole situation up. This is something that's really important to me, and not for the reasons that motivate most people our age. I just pray that God will see that my motives are not selfish and stupid, and perhaps grant me what I hope for.

It's like wanting to sing,
But needing a song.
When will I hear the music playing?

- Michael W. Smith, "Somebody Love Me"

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It's really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. - Erica Jong

Ok, I'll sum up the weekend quickly and then get to the cooler stuff from today.

Thursday: I had my birthday party, got cool random presents and had lots of fun with my friends.
Friday: I went to my piano lesson, joy.
Saturday: I worked at the Phonics Phactory building site helping clean up and got to write a bible verse (I Timothy 4:12) on the framing for the walls of the building. After getting back from working I did something....and then went to church. It was our church's 27thanniversaryy and the service went really long, so i had to dash out the door as soon as I got home to make it to my babysitting job for the night. The kid was cute and not too fussy and I made $30 out of the deal so I'm not complaining.
Sunday: Did some work and went to the double feature at the Hood with Jenell. 50 First Dates and The Return of the King, nice combo.
Ok, now you're up to speed and I can tell about my cool day.

I was really tired when I woke up this morning, but it was a B day so I was willing to wake up and paste on a happy face. Choir was good, I'm hoping we'll be ready for state (which is on Saturday) but at this point, we're either ready or we aren't. My TA period was filled with no work and one interesting run-in with Mrs. Bohart.

I was sitting in the choir room playing Hangman with Becca and Danny when Mrs. Bohart asked me to come into her office. I was sort of afraid she was mad sort of wishing she had something special she wanted to ask of me, neither where true. She actually wanted to talk to me about taking voice lessons this summer, she really wants me to do them. The best part of our coversation was the part where she said that I have good pitch, that makes me really happy! Yay!

Gov./Econ. was boring and full of busywork as usually so I'll spare you the details. Math class was really awesome and suffice it to say, I haven't been able to stop smiling since then> If you want to know what happened IM me, but if you know anything aboutthatt class, you may have a hunch as to what happened. *faints*

Bananaphone!

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Today is my 16th birthday, and it was a good day. The first person of note I saw at school today was Jenell, and that's the best way to start any day. The rest of my day was passed rather pleasantly; all of my friends wished me a happy birthday, I leisurely enjoyed practicing my piano during my TA period, and despite the fact that i did rather poorly on my math quiz, I still had fun in there too. That math quiz was really hard, only two people in our class passed it, so i think it's going to be thrown out and we'll take another one. This makes me happy.

When I got home today I didn't have any homework, so I just sat around and read my book and then later on our whole family went out to Baskin Robin's for the annual free scoop night thingy. That's where I found out I might be able to get a job this summer at a coffee shop nearby because someone I know from my alma-mater has a friends who owns said coffee shop and might be willing to employ me. Joy! I might actually be employed this summer!

Now since today is my birthday I'm not just going to bore you with the details of my day. Nay! I am also going to bore with sentimental stuff about my life.

I have so many memories from my childhood that I cherish. Memories of playing Barbies with my best friend, cuddling with my mother every morning in summertime, going to work with my dad at RHS and watching my brother play Ocarina of Time on his N64. I remember our dog Buckwheat, (who has since passed away) and my Grandpa Keith and Grandma Dorothy who are no longer living. I wish I could hold onto those memories forever, and always keep those times and people alive in my heart, but I know with age those things will slip from my mind and I will forget. I hope those memories will be replaced with new good ones, but the thought of losing my past makes me sad none the less. I was almost dreading turning 16 last night because I am so afraid to lose my past. I long for the days when all I cared about was Barbies and my security blanket. I wish I could retain the innocence of my youth, though it would mean losing the so-called "wisdom" I have gained with age. This "wisdom" seems to me to be more skepticism and pessimism than anything else. As much as I enjoy being able to articulate myself well and doing "grown-up things" with my friends, I wish I could still be entertained by hours of dress-up and playing "house". It saddens me to see my innocent youth slipping away to be replaced by some cynical adult.

But despite my longing for the "good old days" of my childhood I still look foreword to the future. I have plenty to be excited about in my future and I look to the new experiences before me with great anticipation. Soon I'll be getting a job, getting my driver's license and starting my Junior year at RHS. My whole future is ahead of me and the only reason I have to dwell on the past is to thank God for all of his blessing throughout my life. I have a great family, awesome friends and an above-average existence. Life is good, it's gonna get better, yay!

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

- Five For Fighting "100 Years"

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. - Anne Frank

I've spent the last two days engaging in a scandalous love-affair with books. I'm still working on the Left Behind series and enjoying them very much, despite Nathan likening them to an adult version of The Hardy Boys. Perhaps I'm just easily entertained, (Actually, I'm quite sure of that, but I'll get to that later.) but I find the books very entertaining. Now it's obvious to me that they are nowhere near the quality of The Lord of the Rings or The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy them. Anyway, I've spent much of my free time in the last two days immersed in my books. I have quite enjoyed it.

I found out yesterday that Pro Cantorum is going to the state choir competition so that's cool, I hope we do really well. The only area I'm concerned about is sight reading; it's really hard. But I'm sure we'll do our best, it's all we can do.

Today marked an event that will cause me to forever be marked as one who is easily entertained. I was in PE and we were running outside on the school track. Our job was to "jog the straights and walk the curves" and at certain points along the track we were to either do crunches or push-ups. I was about to start doin' some nice push-ups at one of the points, but was feeling tired, so I let my head drop down and looked through the gap between my arm and the rest of my body. As you may have guessed, my perception of the world was a little skewed because I was looking at everything upside-down. Now with most people this would be no big deal, but I'm cooler than that, I freaked out. The sky was just so big and blue and everything looked so huge and beautiful! I was enamored with the size and pretty color of the sky for several minutes, meanwhile all of my friends thought I was a freak. Oh well, I'm glad that I can still find joy in something as simple as the grandeur of the sky God created and the beauty of his sunsets.

So next time you guys head outside in this beautiful weather, throw back your head, look at the sky, and drink in the big blueness. It's amazing.

The best things in life aren't things. - Art Buchwald

I went shopping today with my mom. I had a lot of fun spending time with her and just enjoying the whole "shopping experience". Normally this would be enough to make me feel like I had a pretty good day, but the highlight of my day was much cooler.

I spent over an hour talking on the phone with Jenell just chatting. We never get a chance to talk anymore, we're both so busy, and it was good to just relax and spill my guts to my best friend. I can't get enough of her, she's just so awesome! Even though we're both pretty different and we don't really have many mutual friends, we can still totally relate to each other and connect instantly. It's so cool!

As much as people can let you down and hurt you, some of them are really great.

Edit - 11:12 PM

Ewwwww! Huge spider in my room! Gross! I had just gotten out of the shower and was combing my hair when I saw it, crawling up there on the wall near my door. It was way up high on the wall so I had to pull a MacGyver to get the thing down. Of course, things didn't go as I'd planned and I ended up jumping back and yelping in fright as the thing flew towards me when I knocked it off the wall. I then tried to squash it with some Kleenex but it jumped out at me again, so I yelped like a little dog again, and then attacked it with renewed hatred and was finally able to kill the little bugger.

Man, where are knights in shining armor when you need them?

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Once again, Jenell has been made the victim of society. She ran for Junior class counsel and lost. As before, many of the candidates who won were really good for the job and will do it well, but some of them are total chuckleheads. (as Huck Finn would say) One guy actually used a sock puppet in his speech. It's just not fair. I'm so disappointed in the political process at our school I could sit down and cry. It's all based on who you know and how you look. There are some fine members of our newly elected counsel. Some of them are really smart, hardworking people, but I guarantee you if Jessica Nomie or Steven Hill weren't "beautiful people" they wouldn't have been elected today. It's the sad truth about elections not only in our school but across our entire country. People only gain votes if they have "name recognition" and know "the right people". I feel really bad for Jenell and I wish there was something I more I could do for her, but right now I'm just going to be there for her and pray.

Fate is a Cruel Mistress

Edit: Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 12:47 AM

The immaturity of my past always has a way of catching up to me sometime.

Alas, this unfortunate post which is now over a year and a half old has gone out and done damage I never intended, and may very well have put a major tarnish on my reputation. The typo-plagued rantings of a vengeful best friend have now tragically victimized some very hard-working and intelligent students who were elected to council positions that spring. At the time I wrote this post I knew neither Steven nor Jessica. At this point, I still do not know Steven (although from what I understand he is a very nice guy), but I do have the good fortune to know Jessica. Jessica didn't just win because she's a "beautiful person," she is a hard-working, intelligent, well-spoken student leader for whom I have the utmost respect. I really do not know where I got off saying such vile things about her or Steven, and I can only attribute it to my own 15-year-old immaturity and inability appropriately express my own frustrations. I apologize for anyone who might have been hurt by this post, and I hope that they understand that it is not at all a reflection of how I feel about them today and that they will be willing to forgive a horribly foolish mistake of the past.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Ok, I don't really have much to say about what has been going on. Most of what's been goin' down is either not very interesting to the average reader, or I simply have no comment. I refuse to allow this blog to become all sappy and gossipy. No! It shall remain what it is.....whatever that may be.

My days have all been running together and going by quickly. It's hard to believe but it's only one week until my 16th birthday. I feel really old.... High school is going by so fast, it's crazy. Things aren't the way they were when I was younger and to be honest it's a little scary. Nathan is going to college next year, I have to start thinking about where I'm going to apply for college, and then I'll be off to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what.

Anyway, I've been working on this post for about....two hours now and it's not getting anywhere so....bye.