Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. - Isaac Asimov

What an odd existence I have....

To save us both some time I'll suffice it to say that up until today, my days have been rather unremarkable. Nothing too odd has happened to me and I've been feeling pretty good. But this morning something changed. I don't think anything went the way I planned it today.

Choir was ok, but during that class I realized that my hair had gone all crazy on me and I couldn't do a thing about it. I didn't mind too much, but then everything else went crazy for the rest of the day as well. Mrs. Bohart let us out of Pro Cantorum about 3 minutes after the bell rang, so I had to practically run to get to my TA class. While I was working on stuff for Stern I found a temporary but not pleasing solution for my hair but at least I got my work done fast. After completing my task I made my way over to the choir room to get in some practice and was greeted by what I first perceived as a good surprise, but I soon learned otherwise.

I ran into someone rather unexpectedly in the choir room. He was playing the baby grand in the room so beautifully and I just loved it. I couldn't help but adore him. As soon as he was done playing he was surprised to see so many people in the room. (A lot of people from his class were in there listening and he hadn't realized it.) What irritated me a bit in this situation was how he responded to my presence. He didn't seem to care that I was there or respond at all and it made me upset. I really don't think he meant anything by it or anything, but the event still put a bit of a damper on my spirits. It doesn't really bother me anymore, I can't hold a grudge against someone who can play Claire de Lune from memory like that. After he and his class left I played the piano for a while and, after practicing some of my usual pieces, I composed my own tune. I'm going to write it down sometime and give it a name, I'm rather proud of it.

After my TA period I headed over to Gov./Econ. class where I realized I had completely forgotten to study during my free period for the quiz we had today. I was a little annoyed, but we reviewed everything in class before the quiz and I'm fairly sure I got an A anyway. I'm glad that the time I almost completely forgot to study it was in a class that's so stupid-easy. I wish I were always so blessed.

By the last period of the day I was feeling positively sick with exhaustion. I was so tired after my long day/week that I'm sure everyone thought I was sad about something, but that's not what I'm feeling right now. Since this day started I have mostly been feeling discouraged and uncertain about something that I care very much about. I don't know what to do or say and I'm hoping that i don't screw the whole situation up. This is something that's really important to me, and not for the reasons that motivate most people our age. I just pray that God will see that my motives are not selfish and stupid, and perhaps grant me what I hope for.

It's like wanting to sing,
But needing a song.
When will I hear the music playing?

- Michael W. Smith, "Somebody Love Me"