Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye

Yeah, I'm in college. Not just any college, but Whitworth College in Spokane, Washington. I know, you’re shocked. Imagine how I must be feeling.

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

College has seemed so far-off for so long. Even at graduation this day seemed so distant (partly because I didn’t want it to come).

I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Things have changed a lot since graduation. Of course, when I say “things” I mean “private stuff that (for the benefit of all concerned parties) I don’t feel like bandying about the internet.” If you need to know, you probably already know. The only fact pertinent to this writing is the fact that all of my goals, plans, and dreams have quite unexpectedly been reshaped over the summer.

…sometimes it’s a sad song

Reshaping goals and dreams and the like is a very disquieting process. That being the case, this hasn’t exactly been the greatest summer ever, but neither has it been the worst. I’ve discovered so much about myself and…well, everything. In some ways I’m so grateful for all that has happened because of what I’ve learned through it. Of course, most learning involves enduring a little pain, and I’m still feeling that too.

The road is long there are mountains in the way

I’ve had many things to overcome this summer. Heartbreak, anger, sorrow, rejection, fear, despair, mistrust, and my inability to acknowledge that God’s plan is better, not just as a nice sentiment, but also in my attitudes and actions. As the summer has progressed my mindset has changed many times. Hopeless to hopeful. Desperate to placid. Frantic to patient. Pensive to…well, I think pensive is going to be here a while. These changes have been good. Very healthy, I think. Of course…most of the events inspiring these changes have been very dramatic.

This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

Have I mentioned how much I hate drama?

I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

While leaving behind my awesome group of friends and all my teachers and my school and my church and my family is really sad, there’s so much drama attached to all of those things, I’ve reached the point where leaving will have more positive outcomes than negative.

I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I’ve reached a place in my life where continuing to grow as a person and as a Christian demands some sort of dramatic change. Of course, if I tried very hard I could've still grown a little if I stayed in Troutdale, in the same house, and hung out with basically the same people. I could've do that, but the biggest, best growth will come with a total change of pace.

Why does distance make us wise?

I hate that part of becoming who God designed me to be and giving “My Utmost For His Highest” (That book is a killer, by the way. Reader beware!) means leaving everything I’ve ever known, but I know that He will use it to teach me so much. Distance, being away, is what is going to teach me so many of the things I have to learn. This is true for me and all of my friends who are starting out new chapters in their lives, as well as the people being we leave behind. The pain and sadness of separation is where many of our lessons lie.

Everything will change

Over the summer it’s been hard for me to imagine a better plan (I liked my plan!) or see how God could make a situation I deemed hopeless into something more wonderful and amazing than I could ever imagine, but that’s exactly what God has promised.

“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”
- Isaiah 43:19

”’…For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you…’”
– Jeremiah 29:11-14

I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
…
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...

I’m determined to become a new person in college. Now, when I say that I don’t mean I’m going to come home with a half-dozen more holes in my body, a low-maintenance wardrobe comprised entirely of sweatpants and hoodies, a smarmy boyfriend, poor hygeine, and a bad attitude. I’m speaking more of a deep-down inside change. That kind of “renewing of your mind,” “united in his death and resurrection” stuff that changes hearts and lives.

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”
- Romans 6:4

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n’s Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

I want to spend my time at Whitworth, and really, the rest of my life, pursuing that goal. To “live a new life” free from the selfishness in my heart and soul and mind that’s been a part of me for so long. To work to become more like my Father every day and reveal His love and grace and truth to others through even the simplest things about the way I live my life. I dedicate my time at Whitworth, my future career, my future family, my entire life and everything I have to that goal.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

So that’s why I’m at WHitworth. To escape the drama. To learn lessons. To grow. To become a new person: the person I was created to be.

With a little bit of money we could buy us a car.
With a little luck we could get away from where we are.
Let's get out of here.



I can’t believe this is goodbye